a leaf falls [cummings]
written: 12:20 a.m. on Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2003

and if the day comes that i forget who i'm talking to or why or how or when or why or why then please let me give in to the burning desire inside that perpetuates my bitter cynicism to take the knife from the kitchen drawer that measures more than the diameter of my hand in width and plunge it all the way into my stomach.

and if i don't ever get the chance to read cummings carroll salinger ginsberg oates wilde shakespeare ever again i would use a gun instead.

because i'm talking not to a member of the opposite sex that i'm temporarily in lust with but to a delicate soul that means more to me than a thousand french kisses or multiple orgasms or just the contented but transient feeling of holding hands while strolling down the tranquility of the singapore river bank and you feel like it's just the two of you floating drifting suspended in time a beautiful gorgeous elegant time of almost-love when you're in love with the idea of being in love but you come to realise when the lights are turned on and it's bright again that this delicate soul is the centre of your entire world.

my entire world.

in hate with love [cummings] is the status quo for the rejected the embittered the unperson and somehow without the knife the gun the words i feel like i belong right with those people revelling in our strange disability to care to feel to smell the fragrance of roses and appreciate their beauty.

they see a rose and we see decaying fertiliser.

the delicate soul at the centre of my entire world evades me sometimes makes me forget it exists when i shut my eyes tight to the truth that it tries to present because i refuse to hear let alone listen.

they say that soul is more important than body but how true is that in the light of today's horrendous materialistic world when one would strip for not millions but hundreds of dollars and you wonder why the unpersons exist but don't bother wondering because half the time you're simply fucking blind to the answer that is staring you straight in the face with unrelenting cold yellow eyes that turn to red once you acknowledge it.

this stream of consciousness re-connects me with the delicate soul at the centre of my universe.

childhood. innocence. purity.

ignorance is strength [orwell] but knowledge is power but power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely but corruption generates wealth but the people suffer but who really cares?

the hippie generation is OVER and DEAD.

and sooner or later we'll all lose the delicate soul at the centre of our entire universe.

my entire universe.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010