to be female is to be bitchy.
written: 6:28 p.m. on Sunday, Aug. 15, 2004

What comes to mind? 1848 Revolutions throughout Europe, of course. Yeah. Just wanted to flaunt that rather redundant historical knowledge.

Well, it's not redundant to me because I'm taking the exam, but in another way, it's redundant because I don't know what the hell went on so what's the point?

Whenever I add an entry it means that I have succumbed to my desires to surf the net, which in itself means that I am wasting precious time on useless things when I should be studying instead, so people should leave notes to tell me to get off the computer permanently until November 25 and study my ass off.

Hint, hint.

Random thoughts:

1. I don't get the big deal surrounding Hoobastank's "The Reason". I mean, seriously. So what? I've heard better, more emotional songs, delivered with a less-annoying voice, with less crappy guitars. What's with the pseudo-ballad, pseudo-metal, pseudo-alternative? If you're a rock band and you're getting radio airplay/silly teenage female fans fawning over you and saying silly things like, "[insert lead singer's name] is so hot!" and "I love [insert name of only hit, eg. The Reason]!" and "I don't know what other songs they have!", it's time to seriously re-evaluate your priorities. It should be fairly obvious by now that you are MAINSTREAM. And I don't care what you, or anyone, say: Once a rock band is mainstream, that rock band is shit. No, wait, once a rock band is mainstream, it ceases to be rock. It should be a pop band instead. Hence, Hoobastank or whatever and god knows whatever else crappy shit we've got on the radio nowadays are POP. Just because they play their own instruments doesn't mean that they're rock by default. It used to be so when shit like the Backstreet Boys and Nsync dominated the waves, but not anymore. A line must be drawn to separate the credible ones from the incredible ones.

2. Using the above as a point of departure, I would very much like to bitch about a particular girl in my class who has been getting on my nerves since a month ago. She is the epitome of the pseudo-literati, the pseudo-intellectual, the pseudo-me. I'm sorry, but I have to say this: It's so obvious that she wants to be like me, Mel, Princess, everyone who has a fucking brain. I mean, it's so pathetic because she tries so hard but come on, a bimbo is always a bimbo no matter what she decides to say.

She's one of those morons who like a rock band after hearing only their biggest hit. These people completely denigrate rock music. People listen to rock because the mainstream is crap, but stupid teenyboppers like her jump on the fucking bandwagon and ruin good music for people who understand. I'm not saying that Hoobastank is good as I don't think much of them, but at the very least, they're better than Sum 41, Blink 182, Britney Spears. I asked her what's so great about Hoobastank, and what did she reply? "I like them because they're not angry."

PRETENTIOUS FUCKING MUCH? And the way she said it too! Such a deadpan, straight face! Excuse me while I bloody puke!

And she aspires to be a stage actress. Sorry honey, only if the theatre scene in Singapore were that desperate and you're the only interested pseudo-actress left in this place. For one, your English, contrary to what you seem to believe, isn't that good. If you want to say "who am I", you put a question mark at the end of "I". If you want to put a full-stop, it's "who I am." Jeez. Fucking simple English and you're getting it wrong. If you get an A for Lit, I will win the Angus Ross.

And the most hilarious thing is that she's on the bandwagon started by Mel and I that bashes the poor command of English of the average moron in my school. I welcome people to join the club, but only if 1) I invited you; and 2) you're actually qualified. I'm sorry, even though I'm not, but the girl is question is nowhere near qualified. Honey, you are one of the people in class whom I consider "no competition". We take the same subjects but you're nowhere near as good as I am (and I'm not even that good). Your history essay was crap which is why I did not bother to even write a goddamn conclusion; your Econs theories are way left field which is why I snigger inwardly when the teacher rebukes you; and please, stop seeing sexism into things that do not contain it. Your pseudo-feminism is precisely that: pseudo-feminism. You give the female gender a bad name. What the hell made you think that Charles Dickens was making a statement about gender politics in Hard Times? Way left field much?

Stop trying to engage me in an intellectual conversation with you because inherent in this sentence is a very disturbing and overt contradiction. You are not intellectual; you only have intellectual pretensions. Wake up and smell the shit. You are not getting an A1 for GP, because if you did, so would the rest of the hopeless students in the equally-hopeless school that I unfortunately go to with you.

You are myopic, both figuratively and literally, and your silly feministic inclinations are the causes of that. If I had to endure another preposterous thesis from you on some stupid gender-related issue, I think I would bloody decapitate your tongue. Just shut up already. Most of your "arguments" are groundless and you're not even aware of that. People don't care anymore. If you want to be such a stupid, hardcore pseudo-feminist, migrate to somewhere in which such a cause actually exists, where people actually care. Get out of Singapore. You are useless to the country.

And most importantly, just shut the fuck up. Stop sending me stupid messages. Stop asking me stupid questions. Stop talking about me and stop going behind my back. I should never have told you. And it's not funny. You can't even fake an American accent half-convincingly. How pathetic. You sounded so damn stupid that I wanted to slap you.

Seriously, she should be glad that I don't care at all if it somehow gets back to him that I like him, or even if he knows (I have a feeling that he does, based on something he said, but whatever lah). Look at it this way: I'm out of the school in three months. After that, whatever people choose to say about me is not going to affect me a single bit. Whatever people think of me, well, who the hell cares? I'm not going to see 99% of the morons in that school after I leave anyway, so what difference does it make? And also, I have so much more important things to worry about right now than some stupid adolescent crush that I happen to be having right now. Whether he knows, doesn't know, if he knows and so what the repercussions are, whatfuckingever, will not affect what I will get for my A Levels and the A Levels is the only thing that matters in my life right now.

Yes, he blows my mind, but so what? If he knows, so what? If other people know, so what?

She makes it sound like it's a big deal. It's not. She thinks she can somehow provoke a reaction out me by asking, stupidly, if he knows that I like him. Well, I'm sorry honey, but I don't care either way. I might have six months ago but not right now. Why should I care? Just so I can hide it and attempt to salvage pride that probably doesn't exist anymore? Trust me, it's a lot better on the pride if I simply don't care in the first place.

I can't stand you. You're fake, you're stupid, and you're a genuine bimbo. You should just get off your high horse and realise what a fraud you truly are. You're not going to get 4As because you will fail Literature (I don't mean getting an F). You're not good enough. You were never good enough. Stop dreaming; you're just wasting your time.

While I'm on a rant, I would just like to send a message to the people from my school who are reading this without my knowledge:

It's because of you that I had to censor the content of this journal. It's because of you that I was always worried that the things I said here might get around to the wrong people. It's because of you, in fact, that this journal sucks.

But you know what? Thanks to the A Levels and my preposterous ambitions, I no longer give a shit. I have ceased to care. Spread the URL, tell your little friends about the latest tidbit you've read in here, whatever, I don't care. Say what you want. Think what you want. I don't care.

It's the same logic. Very easy.

Yes I like him, so what?

Yes I think the students in my school are stupid, so what?

Yes I think I'm better than you, so what?

Yes I think you're worthless, so what?

Yes I think my class is slow, so what?

Yes I know I'm politically incorrect, so what?

What are you going to do me? What can you do to me? No matter what happens, I'm still going to hold my head up high and walk through the corridors of that decadent place with a smirk on my face and a swagger in my walk. You can't taint me. I'm too damn good for that.

Get a life. Focus on your exams although it's probably futile anyway. Stop being a goddamn gossip monger. Nobody cares. The only ones who care aren't proper human beings.

Yeah well, I've always been extreme in my opinions. Whatever. I've had it with these idiots. Who cares. I'm going to write whatever I please in here, however I please, whenever I please. Do whatever you want with it. I don't care.

So I've just wasted two hours online when I really intended to spend only thirty minutes.

I HATE MYSELF.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010