yelen deflates her ego.
written: 7:38 p.m. on Monday, Aug. 23, 2004

In my defence I would like to say that I do not believe that I am directly culpable for making bitchy and very arrogant remarks. It is, in fact, the unfortunate and grotesque consequence of not realising in the first place that SAP schools and what-have-yous existed for a reason, and that the ministry does not exactly sit around tables and conjure up elaborate plans to destroy its young, vulnerable citizens. As a result of my failure to realise that while I was in the system, now that I am out of it, I have began to see how it can be wholly justified. If I were in a top 5 college I would probably be wallowing in self-pity right now and not blowing my own obnoxious trumpet every opportunity that I've got, which is innumerable and infinite solely because this is my bloody journal and hence I dictate what goes on in here.

Still, I have to maintain some superficial semblance of political correctness because I am essentially non-confrontational and I know that some of my schoolmates read this. In order to avoid catfights, I have decided to include an additional entry on how and why I suck. In other words, this entry is entirely dedicated to the deflation of my superego, penned by myself, no less. So here we go:

Reason #1

My English sucks. I say things like 'lah' and 'lor' and I spent fifty minutes last night writing the introductory paragraph of an essay on film, and I have the bloody cheek to call myself a bloody film aficionado. Yes, very wise, Yelen.

Reason #2

I have the intriguing tendency to over-write, which the more discerning reader should have already worked out for herself/himself. Just because I use rather bombastic words doesn't necessarily mean that they are used in a mature, polished manner. Anyone with a Lit/English degree reading this would instantly call my bluff on more than one occasion (with or without the 's'?) and accuse me of being a fraud. And that is a charge to which I would and will fully agree.

Reason #3

My writing fails to impress the one person whom it should impress. Enough said.

Reason #4

My so-called "poetry" is nothing but empty, pretentious bullshit. Some people have style but no substance; I, on the other hand, have neither style nor substance. This is probably why I have gave up my pubescent dream of becoming a published writer someday.

Reason #5

Loh Shi Lin will always kick my ass and I accept that fact.

Reason #6

I'm good, but I'm not that good. In fact, I'm not brilliant, let alone a genius. Yes, I think sometimes I should shut the fuck up as well.

Reason #7

I did get 13 points for the O Levels. That is also a fact.

Reason #8

My inherent and crippling inability to discipline myself will always be my downfall. I have tried to overcome it for the past month or so, and I do not think that anything has really changed. Not that I'm surprised.

Reason #9

I talk too big for what I have really achieved, which is, basically, nothing. Ha, ha, ha.

Reason #10

I'm in JJC. Enough said.

I could go on, but I have not showered and I have quite a bit to do today, and I still have to cut out articles in the newspaper, and my father wants to use the computer, so this will be it.

You see, I am capable of humility.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010