i hate thinking up titles so this will do.
written: 4:37 p.m. on Wednesday, Mar. 12, 2008

But despite this tremendously incredible amount of self-control, I still caved! I could not not click on his Facebook group when I was bored and checking out what groups my friends are joining, because under the 'recently updated groups' column (the one on the right), my husband's group was first on the list. I also could not not scroll down to the wall posts after clicking on the link, and I could not not read the wall posts. And after reading the wall posts, I got like, totally excited, because like, Simon was all, "If people voted for talent over popularity, you [meaning Yelen's newest husband] have a high chance of winning."

Like OMG!!!! My husband is amazing. Simon, the same guy who stupidly said 'no' to my David's heartbreakingly gorgeous performance of a crappy song, namely Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do", and didn't particularly care for him until his mind-blowing performance last week, is now a fan of my amazing husband. AHHH!

I must admit, I actually do feel quite nervous for him every time performance day rolls around. I am just so fucking invested in Mr. David Cook that I will COMPLETELY DIE if he's voted off anytime before the finale. Which means that there's a super high chance of me completely dying, because as it stands the two most popular contestants are David Archuleta, this 17-year-old kid who can sing very well but who bores me to death and he's freaking seventeen which is really gross, and Jason Castro, this John Travolta look-alike with what to me are disgusting dreadlocks who has a pleasant enough voice but who is such a complete stoner that I lost interest after the second week. Third in line is David and I dunno, probably a couple of others. I will be so sad if he doesn't make the finale 2 because I want to see him go back to his high school and do the whole royalty homecoming cheesy nonsense and have the mayor of his town declare a David Cook Day and all that crap! And it'll be quite funny to see him sing the requisite cheeseball American Idol song, and since I really believe that he really should not win, he won't have to suffer the humiliation of releasing the cheeseball song as his first single! See, best of both worlds for me. And cakes are meant to be freaking eaten so don't give me the having my cake and eating it crap.

Bottom line? I love David and he should make runner-up. He's amazingly talented. The whole singing guitar-playing thing comes so naturally to him, it's like he's already made. And his voice, oh my god. I still remember his audition, him singing some Bon Jovi song (Living on a Prayer, I think it's called) which of course I've never heard of because I hate Bon Jovi, and how, when he was cut off by the panel, I wish he could've gone on. He can sing the crappiest songs ever and make them mesmerising and fulfilling. Sigh, I totally looove him.

Also, I only just discovered that I can actually right click and save his original songs. How stupid. I was literally going to the website every day to listen his songs, wishing, "If only I could download these." And indeed I could download them. To reiterate, how stupid. But the bright side: OMG I HAVE DAVID'S SONGS IN MY CREATIVE!!!!!

In other news, my face isn't making significant progress on the recovery front, which simply doesn't cut it for me. Have I mentioned that patience isn't one of my virtues? As in I am extremely impatient, such that it's totally indescribable? Therefore, I just drank my Chinese medicine.

IT WAS FUCKING DISGUSTING OH MY GOD, and now I feel like puking. ARGH WAH LAU I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE TO KENA BELL'S PALSY AND PUT MYSELF THROUGH SUCH UTTERLY HORRENDOUS TORTURE. Hopefully I won't get the weird-ass muscle ache-y thing again because me getting thrice the torture, the muscle ache-y thing on top of the utterly disgusting medicine, and it's thrice because it was really freaking painful and it was all over my body, is just completely unfair.

This seems incredible, but I just realised a few days ago that I completely cannot move my Bell's palsied upper lip. I would try to snarl and only the right upper lip would move. I would try to concentrate all my brain power on moving the palsied upper lip and only the right upper lip would move. It's a bit late for me to be saying this but it's damn weird, not being able to move something that you want to move.

I'm extremely paranoid that 1) I would wake up one day and discover that the right side of my face is also paralysed; and 2) I would wake up one day and discover that the left side of my face is once again paralysed. I'm not sure which scenario is the lesser of the two evils: having whatever recovery my face has made completely wiped out, or needing to go through the entire process again on the other side of my face, and therefore having a completely non-functioning face. What a tough choice, eh? Both are so tremendously appealing, I just cannot decide!

Shit, I want my face back. I want my left dimple back. I want my ability to freaking blink back. Evil Palsy, BE GONE!

I tried reading the Provocation readings for tomorrow's class but I found myself feeling damn sleepy after like ten pages. I intended to take a nap, but I went to check out David's Facebook group, and most incredibly, I didn't feel sleepy anymore! Now I feel sleepy again. I think the lesson to be learned here is: David is the new caffeine. Maybe he can cure my Bell's Palsy too.

Speaking of caffeine, I am...proud? amazed? shocked? random emotion? to announce that I haven't drank coffee since the third day of the Palsy. That's like...almost three weeks. This is the same person who got a headache if she attempted to go through the day without caffeine. I do, however, miss the taste of coffee - a lot. I don't think there's a scientific correlation between quitting coffee and the palsy, but my dad insisted I stopped drinking coffee. And he always told me that I should wean myself off the reliance on the substance. So oh well, at least I get to save $2.10 when I go to school now. (70 cents for a cup of coffee x 3 = $2.10.)

And speaking of school, S!mon T@y finally gave us a list of topics for International Law and Asia. My process of elimination has left me with the South Thailand question, namely 'How does South Thailand fit with international norms?' or something along those lines. He seriously doesn't want to read papers on Asian values so I've more or less ditched that. He suggested an Islamic law slant on the Asian values/human rights thing when I was talking to him about it, but I seriously do not want to touch Islamic law. Why? Because it's impossible to generalise Islamic law, and I mean impossible. The most you can do is maybe say that this country imposed these sort of Islamic laws, but even then there's the whole question of what is Islamic and what is not and I cannot deal with issues at that level. Most people don't realise this and the media definitely doesn't understand Islamic law at all, but the entire Islamic law tradition is complex, multi-faceted, and easily misrepresented. There is literally no "Islamic law" on anything - it went from this huge tradition of coming up with all sorts of rules, sometimes contradictory ones, to deal with legal issues, to today's problem of not having a consensus at all on how one should derive or interpret Islamic laws and how to determine if a law is Islamic or not. And yeah, the whole thing gives me a huge headache, and I can only imagine the massive amount of research I'd need to do if I were to tackle the human rights/Asian values thing from an Islamic law slant. Because, seriously, what the hell is an "Islamic law" slant? Which tradition are we talking about? Which school are we talking about? My Islamic law exam, a huge portion of it, was on what "Islamic law" means. ARGH HEADACHE NO DON'T WANT TO DO.

It probably wouldn't be so bad if I didn't take the Islamic law course, but if I didn't take the course, I wouldn't know where to start, and my paper would probably end up sketchy and full of untrue generalisations that wouldn't do justice to the Islamic legal tradition at all. And it's precisely because I've taken the course that I know that I would need to do a lot, way too much for 65% of 4 credits, to do the barest semblance of justice to the tradition. It's not worth it and it's too complex and nooo I don't want to do it.

So I chose South Thailand. Not only do I have materials on the violence from Emergencies last year, it's also quite interesting, and S!mon has provided me with a rather intriguing angle. Yay! Now all I gotta do is to get off my lazy ass and, you know, start researching. But I'm lazy. And I have Bell's Palsy. Boooo me.

I still feel damn nauseous from the Chinese medicine. Arghhh I hate this.

Why is it raining every day? I had to walk up the slope in the rain on Tuesday after finding NO LOTS WHATSOEVER near Block B and having to park at the bottom of the slope, near the gentry. I had an umbrella and all but my shoes were wet and so were my legs. Yuck.

Lastly, I got poked by some random guy on Facebook who apparently belongs to the Stanford Alum network. What the hell? I hate the poke function when your friends aren't the ones poking you. And people that add stranger without sending them a message are just freaking rude. They really should at least send a message so that I can have something to laugh at and amuse myself with, you know?

I seriously need to set my Facebook profile to private. But I think it's only visible to NUS people I can't remember.

Okay, shower!

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010