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dreaming of joaquin
written: 2:39 p.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 15, 2002

You must be a total retard if you've read from entry one to now and still don't know that I am truly, madly, and deeply in love with Joaquin Phoenix. On the 13th of this month I dreamt of him. And it's a big thing, you know why? I can count the number of times Joaquin mercifully appeared in my dream on one hand: 3. Including the one I'm going to type about now.

Joaquin was in Singapore, for what reason, nobody cares. He was doing this meet and greet thingy, at this jungle-ish place. It looked like some sort of a forest, but it's odd, 'cause there aren't any forests in Singapore (at least, not that I know of). Anyway, a crowd of people had gathered, and there was this barricade that separated the crowd from The Man himself. He was supposed to pick a person from the crowd, for what purpose, I can't remember. Naturally I was hoping with all my heart that he'd pick me, but he didn't. The lucky person was this guy in a blue shirt, who looked like one of my Taiwanese uncles, except he had really long hair.

So anyway, I got really upset, and was kind of crying (I cry easily) and turning away from Joaquin so that I wouldn't embarrass myself and all that. But he saw me crying...how embarrassing is that? It's just a dream, but still. Anyway, all of a sudden I found myself standing right in front of him. He's not very tall, even IRL, he's about, like, 170cm, and I'm 165cm, so I found myself looking straight into his eyes. I had his hand in mine, but stupid little me asked, "Can I shake your hand?" I kind of whispered it, and had to repeat myself. Joaquin, of course, being the nice guy that he is, said with a really pretty smile, "Sure."

Even in my dream he's still so beautiful. His skin was white, not pale, but white (if you've seen Gladiator, you'll know what I'm talking about; next to Russell Crowe he seemed almost pale. I like.), and his eyes, oh my god, that brilliant, beautiful, forest green...I'm still wondering how I managed not to die in my sleep. And he was really so nice you know, I had this pathetic list of things I wanted to ask him, and he humoured me! Ha!

I know, it's just a dream, but it's Joaquin. Right now I'd give practically anything for a chance to just see him in the flesh. I don't understand it, he's handsome, very, very handsome, but that's not the point, because there are so many gorgeous male celebrities/whatever out there, and I couldn't care less for half of them. I don't get why I like him so much, but...I don't care. I'm enjoying this whole lust thing. It's quite fun, 'cause you get to stretch your imagination and live another life, and be someone else, someone you can't ever be in this life. And Joaquin...he's nothing more than a beautiful, perfect dream in my life. And I'm really not too keen on waking up just yet.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010