perpetually restless
written: 2:17 p.m. on Sunday, Mar. 31, 2002

That other one went something like this: I was an orphan in a scary orphanage ran by a deranged man who enjoyed inflicting pain upon his charges. He had a set of rules that everyone had to follow, or else, and one of them included a certain length for the girls' hair; it wasn't supposed to go beyond the neck. I was gathered with everyone else in this huge arena, like a hall or something, and Deranged Man was looking for ten potential playmates (as in Playboy playmates) to take along for his trip to wherever, I forget. I had a boyfriend called Steve who would protect me with his life, which I think is weird because I don't know anyone called Steve, but anyway. Deranged Man came around to my area. There is a girl in front of me who wore a pink windbreaker and the hat from the windbreaker (that was badly phrased) on. She was very pretty, with large brown eyes that shone at you. He whipped off her hat, only to reveal long, shiny black hair. She was then taken away.

He went on to inspect this girl down the row who had her hair up in a tiny ponytail. He pulled the rubber band off, and fortunately for her, her hair did not go beyond the neck. Then it was my turn. My hair in the dream was the same length as my hair IRL; it's rather long, and yes, it goes beyond the neck. So he pulled my rubber band off.

Luckily for me, my hair had been tied for quite sometime, so it appeared to be shorter than it really was. He looked at me, told me I was beautiful, and made me his new sex slave. He had an electrocute-like thing with him, and he used it to jab me in the side. It hurt like hell. I can always feel physical pain in dreams as if they're taking place as I dream them, and the pain was so vivid, it felt like someone was punching me in the side from within, like someone was in my stomach, punching the stomach walls. It sucked.

Steve tried to make me feel better by massaging the place where Deranged Man injured me, but we were not allowed to date, so I kept pushing his hand away as I didn't want him to get into trouble. Next thing I knew, I was running into my room with Steve behind me, and we held each other tight in bed, and it was the nicest feeling. I was upset about being made Deranged Man's new whore, and I think I was crying but I can't be sure, and Steve held me tight and told me he loved me, over and over. He didn't care that the windows and the door were wide open, and if someone were to walk in, he would get into serious deep shit for getting intimate with me. See what I meant about protecting me with his life? What a sweet kid. If only he were real.

There's more to the dream, but I can't really remember them. It did felt like I was dreaming about dreaming though. I had a semi-conscious voice telling me it was recurring dream, but I don't recall anything similar. I don't know. It's weird, but interesting nonetheless.

Went to the cemetery yesterday evening. It's a Chinese custom/tradition to burn incense for the dead. My grandfather died when I was 8, and my family visits his grave about twice a year. I don't really believe in the religious aspect of the ritual, but since my family has been doing it for a long time, and since it's tradition, I just go along. I saw the sun set for the first time in the open field. It was beautiful. It cast purplish hues on the horizon where the land met the sky, with streaks of orange across the sky, and the sun was like a shining beacon that overlooked all things beautiful. I stared into the face of the sun, and I understood.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010