i just want you to know who i am
written: 6:51 p.m. on Monday, May. 13, 2002

Why my mom fails to understand this: She is 44. Enough said.

I saw him today, and what happened is too personal for me to post here. (Not sex, don't worry.) I gave him a piece of me that meant a lot to me, and I hope he understood the magnitude of what happened, but I have a feeling he didn't. I don't think he gave much thought to it, actually. Strangely, this knowledge doesn't bother me. He isn't the introspective type. I spent a few minutes being pensive about the immense groping, and he was just looking at me, and I don't know, he seemed kind of amused. I just think so much, and he hardly thinks at all. We're total opposites.

As they say, opposites attract. I don't know what he thinks of me, actually. I could always ask, of course, but I'm afraid of what the answer would be. When I want to know something, but am afraid that the answer would disappoint me, I keep my mouth shut about it.

But anyway, my mom picked me up from someplace at 6.27. I told her I was at school. She didn't believe me, and started going off about how I shouldn't trust me, I shouldn't go out with him, I shouldn't kiss him, I should just focus on my schoolwork, yadayadayada. The same bullshit, all over again. It's annoying. I emailed her a couple of my essays for her to print out, and in the car she said something like, "What happened to you? You never just edit an old piece of writing and hand it in as your work." Something like that.

I have no idea how that is related to my relationship with Gen, but the thing is, she assumed again. She assumed that the things I asked her to print out are for school. Is she stupid, or what? I made one of the characters swear in one of them. Would I hand in something with swear words to my teacher? Of course not. She didn't even ask me what those were for. I had to tell her. She just assumed.

She assumes everything. God, I really, really regret telling her about Gen, because she's ruining it for me. She always does that. She has never understood anything about me. From my writings, to how much I need it, to what it means to me, and now it's Gen.

She just...god. I don't know. I have a headache.

Gen is wonderful. I don't care at all what other people think, and that includes my friends and family. Fuck 'em all to hell.

Pearl pissed me off so much in school today. I wish she'd fucking grow up and stop playing her stupid charades and expect me to be amused, because I am not amused anymore.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010