doubts
written: 5:35 p.m. on Thursday, May. 16, 2002
1. 82% for English. As in on the average. As in I average an A1 for the subject. As in I totally rule.
2. Test on Chinese idioms was easy.
3. Maths test on Integration was not.
4. Left school at 2.30.
5. No ECA today.
Others
1. Well, I don't know. But isn't it sad that my life is divided into "school" and "others", as if school dominates that much of my life? I mean, it does, but we could at least pretend that it doesn't, could we not? Gen went house-hunting today so he couldn't meet me. That sucks. Pearl suggested that I went with him. I looked at her with a look that (hopefully) said, "Are you mental?" and said, "Um, no." Imagine going house-hunting with your boyfriend whom you have absolutely no intention to marry, even if he gets you pregnant. Imagine that. How very weird.
Speaking of pregnancy. Me mom has a serious issue with Gen being from Nepal. She actually said that she wouldn't be so freaked out if I was seeing a "normal Singaporean guy" (direct translation from Mandarin). She actually used the word "normal". She used the word "normal" in the same sentence as "Singaporean" and "guy". That is just wrong. Singaporeans are all but normal. How can we be normal when all that matters is academic results? I wish I could explain this in greater details, but this is not what I want to touch on and to go deeper into it would detract me from my original point, and that is my mom's xenophobia.
She also mentioned something about her being less worried or whatever if I was seeing someone from one of the better off countries in the world, i.e. the developed countries, e.g. the USA, Australia, Britain, whatever. I think it's so stupid, because it's not like I'm going to marry Gen or anything like that. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's not the one. Which brings me to my next point, which I will elaborate on later. The thing is, she has a bias against him, and I think that bias is mainly due to the fact that he's from Nepal. How dumb is that? She said I should nip this in the bud while it's still early, because what am I going to do if/when he gets me pregnant, marry off to Nepal?
I don't think she understands the concept of single parenthood. I am quite certain that I will not get married, because what is the point when all it serves for the couple is for them to hate each other when they realise that Paul has an annoying habit of leaving his cut fingernails all over the carpet, or that Jane leaves her used sanitary pads all over the bathroom, which is really rather disgusting, if you ask me. So all that bullshit that my mom said about marriage and all that...I'm thinking of something to write, but it's in Chinese (shock, shock), and I don't know how to say it in English, so I will just do a direct translation. It's like playing the piano to a cow, my mom's marriage bullshit. She was on this pedestal that I could not relate to, kind of like Brutus's speech to the mob in "Julius Caesar". Which is why I am convinced she has never understood me.
But when she was on about why I choose to be with Gen when I am quite sure that nothing would come out of it, my mind was a total blank for a rebuttal. I have actually thought about that, and when it proved to be too much thinking for me to do, I decided to take my mind off it and let the future take care of itself. But now that my dearest mother has brought it up again, I really don't know why I continue to want to see him and everything when I am quite certain that he's not the one. Besides the point that I'm not looking for a husband, I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. Why do people date someone who is all wrong for them? Why do they continue to do it despite knowing it in advance?
Why do they set themselves up for hurt like that?
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010