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one more time
written: 3:55 p.m. on Wednesday, Jun. 05, 2002

My diary is messed up right now. I know, the new layout is great, and I obviously did not design it. It bothers me so much that the older entries still appear as the turtles, but I can't, for the life of me, figure out what's wrong. I did ask for help though, and why the fuck am I talking about this?

I went to school for Geography today. It was at 10 a.m. I was at school by 7.30 a.m., as I thought I had Literature at 8 a.m., but it was cancelled and nobody told me! That seriously sucks. So my friends and I went to McDonalds and hang. Yeah. I stayed behind with Pearl and we talked, and it was heart-to-heart and nice. First serious talk I've had in ages. I am definitely beginning to see her in a different light.

Now, what else...my brother is having a nosebleed as of now and he just bled all over his shirt, and it's really gross. I told him to lie on the bed. I have no idea what a person is supposed to do when his nose is spilling blood. I brought him 3 ice cubes wrapped in a towel though. That's apparently what Mommy always does.

I told my mom last night that she's right about Gen. As in, she's right about him being unsuitable for me. And her advice to me was to stop calling him and basically give him the silent treatment. I think it's dumb, and I'm not going to do it. He'd end up hating me, and I know it hurts when someone you care about just stops talking to you without giving you an explanation.

I actually wanted to see him today but his phone is dead again. I feel terrible that I'm thinking of doing what I'm thinking of doing (if that makes sense), but I have to do what I have to do, right?

And what I have to do is to find out where I stand with him. Like, does he just like me? Or is he on the verge of falling in love with me? (I sincerely hope not.) Or does he just want to get into my pants?

I really like him. But I can't see myself being with him for the rest of my life, and I definitely don't want to have his child, although I'm sure our kid would be beautiful, and all of that just leads me to conclude that I am not in love with him, nor would I be in love with him.

A real shame, really.

Despite being sure of something, I'm still not sure of what to do.

But hey. What else is new.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010