willing and able to come
written: 8:18 p.m. on Wednesday, Jun. 19, 2002

Now that I know I have the power to make him come, I feel different, somewhat. Less of who I was and more of who I'm about to become. As I laid on his bed with his bare skin against mine, I knew that this day was going to change me, and I can't go back to before, even if I wanted to.

And I don't. I'd probably regret it a few days later, but right now, I'm revelling in it. I loved being that close to him, loved the feel of his skin against mine. He makes me crazy, and I love it. This feeling is so strange and so foreign, but I welcome it anway as I've been stagnant for too long and it's time to move on. Gen is sweet. He is so adorable and so sweet. He makes me feel completely at ease about being naked with him, like it's a totally normal thing to do. I've never felt that way before, not even when I'm taking a shower or wacking off or whatever.

With him though, everything is just...perfect. I talked shit to him and he listened. He talked shit to me and I listened.

I'm really glad I did what I did on April 13. In fact, I'm glad I didn't listen to my crazy talks about this relationship being wrong, because there is nothing wrong with today. At all.

By the way, we didn't have sex. He wanted to but I was scared of it so we didn't. Of course, I didn't tell him that I was scared because I didn't know it then. I know it now. It's not that I'm this moralistic person or whatever, I'm simply afraid of pregnancy. Condoms don't work 100%.

Gen is wonderful, did I say that? He makes me feel amazing. I love him for it.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010