i love the music in you
written: 12:42 p.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 14, 2002

Went to the doc's last night and he prescribed me medicine for running nose. It causes drowsiness. I downed one pill last night and immediately fell asleep when my head hit the pillow. I like that. I've been suffering from insomnia these few days for whatever reason, though it won't surprise me if stress is the culprit, and I love being able to fall asleep immediately without any thoughts forehand.

But it wasn't dreamless. Slumer is never dreamless. Quirky images floated around in my head, loosely connected with a weak plot, and one dream stuck out like a sore thumb. In it I ordered pizza to be delivered to my home. When the delivery man came with it, I did not have enough to pay him. So he said, "It's on me, don't worry about it." He held the bottle of Pepsi between his teeth, and I plucked it from him. I thought it was wrong that he should pay for me. I voiced my thought to him, excessively, but he insisted on it.

He started to leave but I stubbornly refused to receive free food (I don't know why; I would say 'okay!' heartily to whoever wants to give me free pizza in real life). I tried to stop him from leaving. I yanked on his shoulders, and god, the guy was scrawny. I felt like I was pulling on a skeleton, half-afraid that he would disintegrate and fall apart.

I followed him to the lift and the doors closed on us. We argued. Arguing must have some effect on my hormonal level, for all of a sudden, I grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips.

End of dream. What a stupid dream. I don't even know who the fuck is. I've never seen him before in my life, though admittably, he's kind of cute.

I lied before. The dream did not end with me kissing him. It went on, and I have the guy, practically wrapped around my pinky too, but I got tired of him. I got very tired of him, but I didn't want to hurt any feelings, so I didn't say a thing.

Perhaps it is reflective of the relationship I'm in at the moment, though I really don't know. I haven't seen Gen since two Fridays ago and haven't talked to him on the phone either. It's nearly impossible for me to call him at night for I no longer have the telephone in my room (the cordless one finally died; rest in peace), and I phone him in the afternoon but he never answers.

To be honest, it's really the least of my concerns right now. I calculated, and even if I miraculously score A2s for both E Maths and A Maths, my aggregate would still be like, 11 points (the lower, the better; people actually get 0 points, those freaks). And I'm going by the assumption that I'd get at least a B3 for all 6 subjects, but we really won't know, now would we? I assumed my standard of Chinese is an A1, but I was proven wrong yesterday so what do I know? What do I really know?

The probability of me failing English isn't zero, either. Teacher made us to last year's comprehension and I failed. Aha.

But hell, I'm not even worried about English. Fuck it, it's English, I have been acing it for the past 3 years. Failures for that dumb subject are nothing more than a fluke. Why? Because I said so.

Exam shit will end once and for all on the 25th of November. Graduation is on the 28th. I have only 3 days to get a dress.

I was excited about the ceremony but the whole hassle of getting a stupid dress has taken some of that excitement away. What's the big deal about dressing up anyway, it's all so stupid. It's just one night, and one of my friends have already paid over S$200 for her prom dress, which was tailor-made because she claimed she couldn't find one of her size. (She is a wee bit on the heavy side, but I wouldn't call her fat as I think her size has more to do with big bones than fats.)

My budget for a dress is below a hundred dollars. A few months ago I made a pact with myself to lose the excessive flab around my stomach that I'm very insecure about. I said, "Self, we'd do 50 sit-ups a day, okay?" And I replied, "Sure!"

It's about 4 months later and I haven't done even one.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010