while you're sleeping
written: 11:26 a.m. on Tuesday, Sept. 03, 2002

Had a strange, and somewhat disturbing dream. Three major events took place; one involved Gen, the other my grandmother, and the last my secondary two Geography teacher.

I. I walked up the steps to Gen's apartment. His roommate greeted me, as if it was completely ordinary for me to be there. We exchanged small talk and I followed him to a room, where he plopped himself down on the bed. I asked, "Is Gen around?" He said yes, he's in the shower. I sat down a waited for a while. Then Genie came out, wrapped in only a towel. He didn't see me. He sat on the bed with his back to me. I laced my arm around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

(Sorry for this interruption, but I would just like to add here that I really, really fucking miss him. So fucking much. I think about him every night before I sleep. I mean, dammit, how long has it been since I last saw him, for fuck's sake? How am I gonna wait til November to see him again?)

For some reason, or maybe it's another act already, but my family members were suddenly in the scene. Gen was slightly upset that my mother was there as it meant that we couldn't do much together. And then I was playing football with my classmates. The 'field' was a swampy area enclosed by a game fence, and it was like a real stadium, only a million times smaller. I was the goalkeeper again. We started with eleven a side, but soon, The Athlete, Yunnie, myself and a couple of other girls were the only ones playing. I think my P.E. teacher refereed, but I could be wrong. It was my ball as a foul was committed, and they told me to do a long kick. So I brought the ball up to the front, drew my right leg back, and swatted at the ball, but it was a weak shot. My eyes wandered to the spectator's stand, and I saw a guy wearing a white cap. I caught his eye, and he grinned at me. It was Gen.

Being goalkeeper obviously means one has to keep one's eyes on the ball at all times, but I was distracted and the game went to total shite. Somebody called for a break and Gen came down to see me. We discussed the game and I said I suck at it, but he smiled and offered me something to drink. There was a water cooler/fountain at the left corner of the 'field', which actually resembled my grandmother's garden before renovation. We walked towards the cooler, and that was when things turned weird.

II. It was my grandmother's house. I cannot remember much, but men with guns were everywhere. My grandmother was outside at the back and she did not see one of them creeping up on her. I yelled out and grabbed her hand, and we ran off to the front door (my grandma's house used to be a bungalow), but it was locked, and at the back of my mind I realised that the back door, where we were, was open. I said, "Shit!", and ran back again, urging my grandmother to hurry. We managed to get into the house safely, but were still on our guard because the men with guns have not left. We went into the living room where all the curtains were drawn. I crouched low on the floor and peeked outside. One of Them was still there.

So I was terrified, my grandmother was terrified, but the rest of the people in the house were oblivious to what was happening. My mother and my cousin came down and saw us crouched on the floor. Mom had a look of shock on her face. Cousin went out to see what was wrong. He returned with interesting information: the guy with the gun outside was not interested in killing, he was doing some mundane shit, probably delivering newspapers.

III. In school. The Secondary 4 Chinese class got a half-day, probably due to the excellent O Level results. But then the half-day was at 1.30 p.m., and I usually end school at 2 p.m. Nevertheless, I went down to look for my schoolbus as I did not feel like taking public transport, but it wasn't there. I waited some more, for a good half an hour, but it never arrived, so I concluded that it wasn't coming. A bunch of teachers were there, in particular the Sec 2 Geog Teacher. He recognised me and said hi, what are you doing here?

I replied, "Waiting for my schoolbus, but I don't think it's coming."

I started to walk away, but he caught up with me and offered me a ride to the bus stop/MRT station in his white car. I said okay, why not, and got in, and we drove off, and it was raining heavily. We talked, but I had to constantly repeat myself, and it annoyed me. I was in a detached state of mind and we drove through a place that looked eerily like Chinatown in Hollywood movies. I wondered if the teach was taking me directly home, but I didn't ask.

*****

Some parts have been omitted because they are too weird and they confuse me. It involves some terrorist shit, which is linked to the Gen thing on the football field, which is linked to my conversation with the teacher in his car. I don't know, it's strange.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010