never get it back
written: 6:01 p.m. on Sunday, Sept. 22, 2002

Got out of the house today. Went for lunch to celebrate Grandma's birthday. Wore a pink plastic-PVC-thingy skirt. It was uncomfortable and I couldn't stop pulling at it.

I laughed a lot and talked a lot of bull, and scowled a lot and insulted my brother to no ends. But it's what I always do. Food was okay. I mean, it was the usual chicken seafood shark's fin job and I don't eat chicken and I detest seafood, and don't even get me started on shark's fin. So I simply sat there like good little girl and ate what I wanted and fought hard to get my relatives off my back when it came to things I didn't want to eat. Oh, and I drank a glass of Coke. Man, I have no self-discipline, absolutely none. (I have sworn off Coke as it is unhealthy and disgusting, but it was free flow thing so I thought, 'what the hell.')

Yep. Went to the bookstore, and was looking at the magazines with my brother, when he suddenly said, "Joaquin Phoenix." Automatically, I turned and looked at where he was pointing, and sure enough, Joaquin stared back at me from the glossy magazine page, all dolled up like Prince Charming, right out of "Snow White". That man is so incredibly beautiful. He is everything I want in a man (minus the smoking thing but heck, nobody's perfect), and it's so much more than just looks. His interviews are always so interesting and intriguing, always a mixture of his trademark self-deprecating remarks, his 'don't talk about River, I'm wounded' comments, his views on how bad an actor he is, everything. It's always a good read.

Anyway, the magazine, Galaxie, is 2 dollars. It's from Malaysia. Good interview, though I wish they'd quit mentioning River. I love River, but Joaquin doesn't talk about River to anyone, period, so journalists should stop harrassing him and just let the topic be. If I ever got a chance to interview him, I'd keep River, Liv Tyler, his childhood and his hippie parents out of the picture. Of course, I wouldn't actually say, "Will you marry me? Please? I'd pay you!" to him. I mean, I do have self-respect.

I wanted to check out Ethan Hawke's novel but I couldn't find it. I didn't know he was the writing type. I was very attracted to his character while watching "Dead Poets Society". I mentioned it somewhere here so I won't go on about it.

I've decided to meet Gen sometime this week and we'd talk. I'm not sure what I'm going to say. Maybe it would be a repeat of that time when I went to his restaurant and tried to talk, but I couldn't get the words out, but he was attentive (well, sort of) and...really sweet. But it doesn't matter. I'm all ready to end things as I've decided I don't want to be in a relationship, but he's involved so it can't be just my decision.

It would be hard to hurt him as he hasn't done anything wrong, and save for the fact that he doesn't stimulate me intellectually, he's the perfect boyfriend and it would be my loss.

But too bad. Thank god I haven't told him that I love him. It was on the tip of my tongue. Almost blurted it out too that last time we were together, after he kissed me goodbye as I boarded my bus.

The strangest thing is, I haven't realised all of that until I typed it. Writing really is therapy.

Jeff got his dream job. He's going to work for the US government as a Japanese analysis. Something like that. He phrases it more eloquently than I do. He's effectively bilingual, and that is really cool, especially since he isn't Japanese in any way, shape or form by blood.

So maybe one day I'd get to conquer Espanol, eh? Joaquin is bilingual too, did you know? So is Gen, obviously.

Yeah, well. Tomorrow is Science practical. I like Science practical. Chemistry allows me to burn stuff up, and Biology allows me a legitimate reason to play with food. I love playing with food. It's the result of being born into an affluent first world.

I think being down does wonders for my writing. It has deteriorated so much, but I'm pretty happy with this entry.

My bladder is bursting.

Added at 6.30 p.m.: Real Madrid beat some club called Osasuna, 4-1. Osasuna's goal is a penalty. Iker played. Rather surprised he didn't save it. He saved so fantastically against Ireland. I'm sorry I didn't tape the match! But then, the number of yellow cards given out is amazing: "...yellow cards to Hierro (min. 5), Helguera (min.5), Paqui (min.5), Alfredo (min.13), Moha (min. 59), Roberto Carlos (min. 60), M�chel Salgado (min. 65), Rivero (min. 78), Cruchaga (min. 87) y Pablo Garc�a (min. 89)." Like, wow. Somebody should've got a red card. Not anyone from Real Madrid, of course. The other team. My brother cannot pronouce so it's 'Osama' to us. Heh. And this other team, Deporvito someshitorother, is 'Johnny Depp', for obvious reasons. That time when we were at my grandma's, Channel 5 played a Deporvito match and the score box was 'Dep' and something else. My uncle asked, "What team is that?" I replied, "Johnny Depp." And the name has stuck ever since.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010