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written: 3:36 p.m. on Monday, Sept. 23, 2002

Science practical. Fun stuff. I was doing my Chemistry thing when I realised that it was the second last time I'd be doing anything related to Science, so I pocketed Solid R and the pond weed that wasn't rotting. They were going to throw it anyway, and the plant is really cute, green and nice. I plan to put it in my mom's fish tank once the bicarbonate or whatever solution is completely removed. It's now floating in the basin in the toilet.

Seeing Gen on Thursday. I told myself to call him today and I did, though I almost chickened out. He was sleeping, as usual, and I have to say he looks adorable when he sleeps, but he sleeps so much. He can sleep for the entire day and it won't bother him one bit.

Anyway. Maybe I need to write a speech. I feel safer with something prepared. Which is why I can never do debates as I cannot speak eloquently on the spot. But I digress.

Dammit, I don't know what to say. I wrote a bunch of beautiful shit in my diary but I don't want to repeat them. Hearing his voice though racked up another wave of guilt and remorse, and of course, doubts, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

I can't decide if I'm glad or not that I didn't offer him any hint that something wasn't quite right. When/If I do finally drop the bomb, he wouldn't have seen it coming, which will then make what I'm gonna do even worse. If I did say something just now (though I can't, for the life of me, imagine what), he'd be wondering and pondering for 3 days, and I cannot do that to anyone.

I mean, one part of the very short conversation went like this:

Him: So how are you?

Me: I'm good.

My head: LIAR!!!

Him: You're good huh?

Me: Yeah.

My head: LIAR!!!

What else was I supposed to say, for fuck's sake? You know, I do wish the voices in my head would piss off and leave me in peace because they just don't understand. Was I supposed to say, "Actually, I'm fucking upset because I'm about to break up with you and I'm sorry."? I don't think so.

I didn't know how to punctuate that second last sentence.

Moving on. Stupid me did not watch the news last night. They played highlights of the Real Madrid/Osama match, including Iker's blunder but Yunnie described his reaction and I bloody want to see it. Yunnie also said Raul had an awesome goal. And guess who else scored? Jose Gutierrez! He had two goals! There won't be any special programmes like the UEFA champions league thing as it was the Spanish league, and people don't care much for it because they are such idiots, and I'm just rambling here and my bladder is once again bursting so I'll stop typing absolute nonsense and take a piss. Yes I will.

Back from the toilet: What do you know. I got my period.

My pond weed is gone. I suspect my maid did something to it. Hopefully it isn't rotting in the dustbin. I checked and couldn't see anything.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010