education and grades
written: 11:28 a.m. on Friday, Sept. 27, 2002

Anyway, I'm pretty much torn between making plans for junior college and not making plans for junior college as I haven't started studying and if I make plans and don't get the grades I need, it would just be a waste of time. On the other hand, if I make plans now and they motivate me, I'd have achieved something really great. The thing about going to the best junior college in Singapore is that it gives my parents something to brag about. I don't give them anything to brag about, except when I somehow score perfect scores for English assignments, and I want them to have something to show off to to my relatives. It would be like this:

Dad (in Mandarin) to Relatives in Taiwan: My daughter never studied past 11, and she's in the best junior college in Singapore!

Mom (in Mandarin) to Relatives in Singapore: Yes she got into Hwa Chong. Yes she's such a genius. Yes I know, she's going to be the President scholar.

Okay, hell, I just coughed and laughed. Just listen to myself talk. It's sick. Like my mom would ever say I'm a genius. I'm the only one singing that tune. President scholar, indeed. Like I want to work in the Civil Service. I hate anything that curbs creativity, is boring, dry and dull, so that sort of life would never work for me. Money is immaterial. I don't care about money, and luxury, glam, and mansions do not impress me. I'm attracted to the starving artist kind of life, because at the end of it all, you would've pursued your passion and done something for yourself, that is worthwhile to yourself, and you would've stayed true to yourself.

Then again, I do want to get a Ph.D in English and become a university professor, and grade compositions and rake in the cash like that. I'd be sitting at my desk, handing out Fs freely to unsuspecting students, and the administration or whoever would pay me for it. Easy life.

Studying is boring though, for whatever subject. It's all the same. The only difference is the knowledge you absorb, or don't absorb.

I forgot to say this yesterday, so I'll do it now. So yesterday the vice-principal was leading the school in a prayer when her voice started to crack. It occurred to me that she was crying. I cannot stand her because she is pretentious and pompous, and her command of the English language is pathetically laughable, and she still tries to impress the crowd with rhetoric when she can't even string together a grammatically-correct sentence. Virtually no students like her. But I sympathised with her anyhow. I may dislike her, but she was crying and it sounded genuine.

But what I want to say is that a rumour went round in the school that she cried because my Secondary 4 batch did like shit for the prelims, as in less than half can make it to a junior college, and the vice-principal blames herself. Which is ridiculous. It is true that my batch did like shit; a classmate was told by my wonderful Mathematics teacher that they had to moderate the scores so that more than half can make it to a junior college (that won't be me). But the thing is, I don't think the vice-principal sets the stupid exam papers. No, she doesn't. The teachers do, and they should've seen this coming. I worked my ass off for the revision tests and it paid off, as I passed 4 out of 6, and the passes are mostly Bs. I used to get mostly Fs for Maths. So it's not a matter of not studying, because I did, although I don't think I studied hard enough, but I did nevertheless, and I still couldn't do the stupid exams.

They set the standards so high and what for? It was the preliminary examinations. They should have made it easier; harder than the O Levels, yes, but not so that it was unreachable. They say that they want to train us for the O Levels by making the papers difficult so that the O Levels would be a breeze, but come on, they have been training us for FOUR COMPLETE YEARS! They should've cut us some slack.

Back to the vice-P. As much as I dislike her, I do wish, if the rumour were true, that she'd shift the blame off herself because it's not her fault. Want to blame somebody, blame the teachers who set the papers. They are well and truly insane.

So this entry was full of school. Wasn't it nice? I think it was. End sarcasm.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010