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i'd give up forever to touch you
written: 7:11 p.m. on Tuesday, Oct. 08, 2002

School was boring. Wasted time in English. We did account writing and I just sat at the table, alternating between staring blankly at the projector screen or writing in my diary. Wanted to sleep during Physics because it was the first thing that we did in the morning, and the air-con was just so nice and cooling and comfortable. Maths was okay. I didn't have to listen to anything. I did the Catholic High exam thing, and okay, it was freaking easy, except for the sets question but I've never understood sets so who cares.

Moving on to something of a lot more importance. I spent a little over an hour with Gen today. We sat at a random fastfood place, side by side, with his arm around my waist, and I should've seen this coming but again, I didn't. I got that feeling of wanting to blurt out the three dreaded words again. I'd just mentioned briefly the suicide attempt. I just talked about it without thinking. I haven't talked about it to anyone (verbally) or mentioned anything about it. It just came out. And he held my hand and covered it with his other hand, and it was so snug and comfortable. Almost like the Physics air-con thing, but so much better because it was warm. That was when I got the feeling. It left as quickly as it came though, so I kept my mouth shut.

So I chickened out of the big talk thingy and left things the way they were without disrupting anything. Yep. That's just what I do. Obviously we're still together. Honestly I didn't want to go home. I could be with him forever and not do anything and I'd be so happy. I don't know why. It's the small things he does. It's in his kiss, in the way he holds me. I just love it.

I can't write very well sometimes. Oh well. Now I don't know what to say anymore.

I like being complimented. I do. It's great. Especially when a guy comments on my looks. I know Gen's my boyfriend but I got such a thrill when he said that I had beautiful eyes. Of course, I don't believe him, but it doesn't matter as it's his opinion and he meant it.

I get a bigger thrill, however, when our skin come in contact, especially in places where one's clothes hide.

I did not mean anything sexual by that. I just meant, like, the back and stuff like that.

Fuck, I can't write at all so I'll stop now. I have other things to do anyway.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010