what isn't really gone
written: 4:17 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2002

This is absolutely horrifying. Uninteresting? Valuable? What the hell is the website on? This lousy Genk team was the same team that my team thrashed 6-0 sometime back, and now they gave them an 'uninteresting but valuable' tie?

And why didn't my darling Iker play? Funnily enough too, Morientes was on the starting team. Cheryl loves him and since Mr. Brazil came on, he's been warming the bench. Which sucks 'cause he's really cool.

Anyway, that really sucked but oh well. Physics was okay, although I made a lot of lamebrain mistakes. I wasn't really thinking about it. I was only thinking about sleep. But I shan't make excuses because I know I suck at the thing. I won't be surprised to pull a mere C or something.

So I watched this episode of Slam Dunk I taped over lunch that showed Mitsui training with the team again. There is this particular scene (shot? whatever) that I liked a lot. It's just Mitsui playing against the vice-captain Specs/Glass-Man/Kogure. But! The music played was totally cool, but more importantly, the way he moved and faked out Kogure was like, "Whoa." No wonder he was MVP of junior high. (That's Most Valuable Player or something along those lines.)

Damn, I'm starting to talk about him as though he were a real person, but yeah, he's sooooo hot!

Whoa, the EBF maths genius cried yesterday when she went home 'cause the A Maths stumped her. Oh my god. I feel bitchy now so let me say this: WHAT A LOSER! I've long since stopped crying over exams and stuff except for when I really wanted a good grade and ended up getting something a little less (i.e. A2 Chinese). Of course I thought the stupid shit sucked, but I couldn't care less. Not caring is a person's only real protection. I believed in that two years ago, whilst going through the dumb angst phase, and I still believe in it. Nobody gets hurt if you don't invest that bit of feeling, especially not yourself.

EBF should learn that, the dumb snort. It's just an exam. Just like boyfriends who come and go. It's just some guy. Does it matter? I remember how she cried to me in Secondary One, which was a whopping three years ago, because she felt that she didn't have any friends. Why did she care? It was just some retarded people from school. Do they matter? I don't think so.

And I keep asking myself if I love Gen. My answer is always the same: "Does it matter?"

I don't even care about that either. I want to get out of this thing relatively unscathed, not because I don't want him, but because I know it's going to end, and there isn't any point in diving too deep into a pool that would ultimately drain. You might hit your head on the ground and bruise yourself.

And I don't want that. Fuck love. Fuck boyfriends. In fact, fuck friendships. Nothing lasts anyway. Only Slam Dunk does. Hell yes, Slam Dunk is my best friend. I'm in love with Mitsui, Mr. MVP.

At least anime and movies and music don't hurt me.

I don't know what spurred that long talk. I'm going to my grandma's tonight to burn stuff for my grandfather, who died when I was 8. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Remember how my mom ran crying into her mother's bedroom. For some reason, that image is embedded as clearly into my mind as all the things I've done with Gen (and trust me, I remember every single detail).

I don't feel like going tonight but I don't want to stay home either. My neck hurts. I wonder if they still perform lobotomy.

Nevermind.

EBF quoted the Goo Goo Dolls. Stop being so pretentious. Stop stealing my fucking music. Go back to your hip hop or whatever it is you people listen to. The Goo Goo Dolls are mine. Have been, will always be.

And the song was "Iris". Man. I did her friend quiz thing out of boredom and scored a 40%.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010