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surely i can't be depressed
written: 6:08 p.m. on Wednesday, Dec. 04, 2002

For some reason I walked all over Orchard Road today feeling down. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly. I walked until I could walk no more, until my feet were sore and decided to go home, and throughout it all, something just wasn't right. When I see a boy and a girl holding hands I just want to slap them. Don't they know that things would ultimately end? So why bother in the first place?

I could've avoided being with myself and went with my classmates instead, but no, I just had to push them away. What good did I get out of walking alone? Nothing. I simply got more and more useless thoughts that made me feel like the biggest jerk in the world.

I don't want to talk about it, the thing that I have to do, that is making me feel the way I've been feeling the entire day. I don't want to think about it, but I can't help myself.

And I'd be lying if I said I want company. I'd be lying too if I said I didn't. Going to the class thing made me realise I don't fit in. It's easy to pretend, but I gotta face it. I don't fit in. My friends rock but I need something more. I need something I can hold on to, that is tangible, that won't cop out on me when I need it most.

I don't know what it is. It doesn't really matter. I'd never find it anyway.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010