remove the stars in the sky; i'll keep one by my side
written: 6:36 p.m. on Thursday, Apr. 24, 2003

I still like Mr. Nerd quite a bit. And I don't understand why he seems so distant nowadays. I don't see him around in school much; in fact, didn't see him the entire day. Doesn't matter. The thing is, when I do see him, he's always like, "Oh, hi." Then he stones there. I stone there.

And I just don't know what to say to him anymore.

Which really sucks. I really had a nice time with him while it lasted. That day at McDonalds was nice. Laughing at him is nice. Having him spew shit to me over the phone is nice too.

But yes. I think it's just me making a whole story out of absolutely nothing.

It's just that I still react to seeing him, if I do see him at all. And he's... so fucking cute. And so nice. And so smart. And such a nerd. And so different from me and the type of guy I usually am attracted to.

And did I ever mention that he's really handsome? He's so goal-oriented and sure of himself and mature... well, he's not really mature. He can be a total kid but he's so hardworking. He knows what he wants and he does all that he can to achieve it.

I kind of admire that in him even though I would never admit it to his face. Just like I would never ever tell him that I used to fancy him a lot, even though I have a good feeling that he already knows.

I made it so obvious and I feel so stupid now. Especially since he never liked me back that way.

Blah. That's not really important though. I know I just typed half an essay about Mr. Nerd and my lingering feelings towards him but seriously, it's the last thing on my mind right now. I'm worried about my 'S' paper in Literature thing. I talked to the principal this morning about it and he did say he'll make arrangements for me to take it outside college if I'm up to standard, which is a relief but I'm worried that I'm not up to standard. I'm staking everything on the subject.

You know why, don't you? 'Cause I'm not good at anything else.

Bleah. I'm talking to The New Kid again and he just pulled a stupid joke on me. Bloody idiot! Out of the blue he was like, "I have something to ask you. Be mentally prepared."

Normal people would think it's something major right? So I was like, "Yeah I am. What?"

He said, "You sure? 'Cause it would affect the rest of my life."

I said, "Erm, okay, what?"

And guess what he said?

"Must we hand in the History assignment tomorrow?"

MY GOD. I almost died. I really thought it was something serious and he asked about History. What an ass!

I'm sorely disappointed that Real Madrid lost to Fuckchester United 4-3. Cas let in four goals and apparently stupid Beckham scored two goals. I'm really so disappointed, even though Real advances to the next round.

Bleah. Whatever, I gotta go for dinner.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010