happier than before
written: 5:04 p.m. on Sunday, Jun. 01, 2003

"Cancer (June 22 to July 22): This week the stars are throwing a rosy glow over your intensely personal life. You are looking good, feeling good and more adventurous than usual. This could be interesting, particularly where your romantic life is concerned."

:)

I don't really believe in horoscopes persay, but it's interesting how those things seems to match your life sometimes. My mission for this last week of school is to make my existence known to my newest target, and I really have no qualms about going up to some guy, just to say hi, how are you doing, perhaps we could go out one day.

Which is strange. A month ago I'd see something like that as a serious wound to my pride, which, admittedly, does get in the way of how I do things sometimes. Everything was more of an issue of preserving my pride so that I'd have the dignity to hold my head up high, but if you think about it, why would introducing yourself to a guy that you think is cute be an insult to your pride?

It doesn't really make sense. And I don't know either why the sudden change of philosophy.

Perhaps I'm really too bored of life in JJC, the long-standing crush on Mr. Nerd limiting my social scope. I guess I needed that extra boost, to get out of that slump, because it was really dragging me down.

And anyway, I think people who have their eye on somebody but do nothing except to giggle and laugh when that somebody comes by are extremely annoying and redundant. I've been the butt of such childishness for a long time since I stepped into Jurong Junior College and I'm really tired of it. Keeping quiet about such things is as good as intruding into that person's private turf. Don't they think such things should be made known to that other party?

And what's so difficult about that anyway? I mean, really. The worst thing that may happen to them is perhaps getting the middle finger flipped in their faces... not a big deal, if you ask me.

Although it hasn't happened to personally. Getting the finger, that is. It would be pretty interesting if it does.

I don't feel like talking about school so let's just talk about this new target of mine. I think the primary attraction force at work here is my perception of him... how I perceive him to be this really cheena (Chinese) person. JJC's basketball team is basically Chinese-speaking, all-Chinese, etc etc. And I'm getting tired of the Western world nowadays... tired of Hollywood movies, tired of English songs, tired of the English language even. I'm going back to my cultural roots now... going back to the very basics of my existence... and number 14's cheena-ness only makes him the more appealing.

I've always been attracted to the foreign and the exotic, always have a thing for that sense of 'otherness' in a person. It's my mother tongue, it's my culture, but Chinese might as well be a foreign tongue, a foreign civilisation. I know next to nothing about my own roots, and it's sad, for if I don't make an effort to discover myself, then who will? And owing to that, number 14 intrigues me. My Chinese teacher (who's quite involved in the basketball team's activities) told me that he plays basketball at some Chinese temple or whatever.

I mean, a Chinese temple. You can't get more cheena than that.

I want that cheena-ness, goddammit. I need it.

And perhaps, after that, I can finally attempt something in my own goddamn language.

So tomorrow will mark the first day of my getting-to-know-number-14 adventures. Will keep you posted.

Oh yeah, I have a GP test tomorrow. How nice. Probably going to top the class again.

Ha.

**

Bought Jay Chou's "Fantasy" EP yesterday... I love that guy. I really do. He's incredible. "Snail" is such a great song, even though "Ni Bi Cong Qian Kuai Le" (You're happier than before, in a rough and lousy translation) is in my head right now. And "Shi Jie Mo Ri" (End of the world) is beautiful. I first heard it on the 11th of January this year, at his The One concert. Wonderful song.

I'm going to buy his live CD next.

**

NBA Finals: San Antonio Spurs vs. New Jersey Nets. Yes, folks, it's true, the Spurs eliminated the Mavericks 4-2! Woo-hoo!

This basically means that the Spurs are going to be the champions this season, because it's a well-known fact that the Western conference is a lot stronger than the Eastern conference, which basically means the Nets wouldn't stand a chance against the Spurs. Tim Duncan is MVP, for crying out loud. And Jason Kidd is just a lousy wife-beater.

**

My Maths is in a mess. I need to study. Have a test on Wednesday and I cannot fail. I must not fail.

I must study tonight.

**

My classmates seriously think that there's something going on between The New Kid and myself, just because I'm always sitting beside him during the classes that we share together.

What an absurd notion. If The New Kid suddenly hits his head against something and really asks me out, it'll probably go something like this:

The New Kid: Ay, want to go out not?

Me: What?

The New Kid: WANT TO GO OUT OR NOT!

Me: Wah lau, go out then go out lah. No need to shout.

He's a hunk and everything but... no.

And anyway, he isn't interested. Not just in me, but in dating in general. Doesn't believe in love.

And he calls himself a Catholic.

Not that that has much to do with anything but you'd think he'd be more optimistic about such crap because of that. I mean, I'm the president of the cynicism and jadedness club, thank you very much. There's no way in hell I'm giving up my title to him.

**

Being anti-globalisation is basically stupid in my opinion. It has already happened. Nothing you say or do is going to stop it, or to slow it down.

So why not just embrace the power of technology and enjoy the different cultures and shit like that that you're exposed to?

... Yeah right. And George W. Bush is a genius.

I'm just saying that globalisation can't be stopped, no matter how many protests and boycotts they hold, so why bother?

Although I do take issues with the commercialisation of cultures and the arts.

Which is why I'm not very fond of the Esplanade sometimes. It's too commercialised in my opinion, and commercialisation denounces art and trivialises it.

But yeah, better than nothing, I suppose.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010