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perhaps, maybe, one day
written: 4:15 p.m. on Thursday, Jun. 19, 2003

It was one singular moment, a fleeting few seconds that passed by as quickly as they appeared. There you were, walking in my direction while I sat on cold hard wood. It was instant excitement that shot through me. Mistakes and bad tidings of the past forgotten, my eyes followed you down the aisle of the canteen, and they saw nothing but you. I called out your name, and you turned, and looked at me, for the first time since the last time I saw you, last Saturday. You were unsure; you almost came over to where I was sitting, but stopped when I said 'hi' and wiggled my fingers in a small greeting.

I don't know what it is about you, if it's even about you. Is this just another cheap thrill that I'm seeking to break away from the mundaneness of school life? Do you mean anything more to me beyond that? Those few passing seconds of excitement were as transient as water is transparent; and the feelings that are supposed to arise have got less and less intense.

But it all makes sense when I think back to that night, when we played basketball under a gorgeous sky of velvet black, how you looked at me with boyish shyness and passed me the ball, how you hovered around, unsure of what to do while the others fussed when I sustained a slight injury...

You'll never know how you're everything and nothing to me, all at once.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010