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relief Kinda nicely coincidental that the kid, the basketball kid whom I want to help, boarded the same bus that I was on. I had a talk with him, if you can call it that. It was... strangely liberating, in a way, although it irks me that he rejected my help, but if I elaborate on this point I would just go round in circles about me being a genius and rubbish like that so let's just leave that be. All I can say is, at least I've tried and my conscience is clear. (Damn, don't I make it sound so dramatic...) He insisted that he doesn't need my help, though I would definitely beg to differ, so what can I do then? I gave him my handphone number after he said that he'd look for me if need be, but I'm not stupid, I know he said that just to get me off his back. It was kind of strange. I'm not used to showing concern for a boy like him. I didn't say anything to him on the bus, just told him that I had something to talk to him about, and he didn't ask anything either. I almost got off on my stop but I restrained myself in time, for I know if I didn't do this today, it would keep bugging until I totally neglect my work and make the shit I'm in deeper than it already is. Still, I wish he could care a little more about his education. I don't know how much of what I said got into his head but at least I tried. He can actually content (contend?) with a B in English. I don't know what the fuck to say to that. Anyway. I saw my ex-crush, the cager, early in the morning in the canteen. Spent a few minutes staring at the back of his head. And after I left the canteen and went for assembly, I completely forgot about it. So okay he's really cute but... If he'd seen me I would've said 'hi' to him and smile really brightly, just for the heck of it. Why not anyway? It's fun. School is really getting on my nerves and I can't find my focus back and I have a whole shitload of homework to catch up on and I don't want to deal with any of it at all and I just want to quit but I can't because I'm staking everything on these two years and I want my New York education and I won't let anything stand in my way in the long run and definitely not my perpetual laziness but right now, I just can't be bothered. Good luck to everyone out there. You all definitely need it.
before sunrise // before sunset
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