relief
written: 6:16 p.m. on Tuesday, Jul. 01, 2003

Took the bus down to the community centre. Only, I didn't go there.

Kinda nicely coincidental that the kid, the basketball kid whom I want to help, boarded the same bus that I was on.

I had a talk with him, if you can call it that. It was... strangely liberating, in a way, although it irks me that he rejected my help, but if I elaborate on this point I would just go round in circles about me being a genius and rubbish like that so let's just leave that be.

All I can say is, at least I've tried and my conscience is clear. (Damn, don't I make it sound so dramatic...) He insisted that he doesn't need my help, though I would definitely beg to differ, so what can I do then? I gave him my handphone number after he said that he'd look for me if need be, but I'm not stupid, I know he said that just to get me off his back.

It was kind of strange. I'm not used to showing concern for a boy like him. I didn't say anything to him on the bus, just told him that I had something to talk to him about, and he didn't ask anything either. I almost got off on my stop but I restrained myself in time, for I know if I didn't do this today, it would keep bugging until I totally neglect my work and make the shit I'm in deeper than it already is.

Still, I wish he could care a little more about his education. I don't know how much of what I said got into his head but at least I tried.

He can actually content (contend?) with a B in English. I don't know what the fuck to say to that.

Anyway. I saw my ex-crush, the cager, early in the morning in the canteen. Spent a few minutes staring at the back of his head. And after I left the canteen and went for assembly, I completely forgot about it.

So okay he's really cute but... If he'd seen me I would've said 'hi' to him and smile really brightly, just for the heck of it. Why not anyway? It's fun.

School is really getting on my nerves and I can't find my focus back and I have a whole shitload of homework to catch up on and I don't want to deal with any of it at all and I just want to quit but I can't because I'm staking everything on these two years and I want my New York education and I won't let anything stand in my way in the long run and definitely not my perpetual laziness but right now, I just can't be bothered.

Good luck to everyone out there. You all definitely need it.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010