how it hurts
written: 8:54 p.m. on Thursday, Jul. 24, 2003

The down side: That's about it.

I wouldn't be surprised if we can't ever be the friends that we were before all these shit happened.

It's funny how things can be derailed so quickly, just in a span of two, three days.

And I still remember Sunday, but in the light of recent events, it feels like nothing more than a lie.

What's worse, it's a lie that I can't blame anybody on. I am way past pointing the finger at him. It's too tiring to bear a grudge for something that he didn't mean to do.

And it hurts too. It hurts like a million tiny knife pricks to the very core of the heart, and you have no idea how it's affecting me. Just because I was stupid enough to think he could ever like me the way I like(d) him. Thinking about that other girl makes me so jealous that I'm ashamed of myself.

And he still doesn't want to tell me who she is.

Not that I'd know her. I just want to know. What's wrong with that?

I wanted to blame it all on him, to fault him for everything, for all the negativity that I've been feeling the past couple of days, but I just don't have the heart to, not when he tells me he's sorry for all of this.

He's sorry. And he didn't even mean to hold the knife.

I just want him back... as a friend...

'Cause I'm already starting to miss him.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010