i just wanted to write
written: 5:02 p.m. on Sunday, Jul. 27, 2003

Finished the History essay.

That is, if what I did actually counted as doing it. I went to some site with very superficial information on the Scramble for Afria and copied and pasted everything.

I'm just too lazy to make sense of my teacher's notes. They're not even complete. I don't even know where the rest of them are.

My cousin has been admitted to SGH's isolation ward. They suspect dengue fever. Mom went to see her today, and after a gruelling process of registration and temperature-taking and whatnot, she was finally denied access to see her. She's allowed only four visitors and you can't swap one person for the other.

Life is truly fucked up sometimes. I hope she recovers soon. She's my favourite cousin, if I had to choose, and I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

Still, I feel kind of detached from the reality of it, for some reason or other.

Despite being extremely sleepy from 11.30 to 12 a.m. last night I forced my eyelids open and, after reading some Jim Carroll, sat on my bed with my notebook on my knees and wrote four pieces of shit. One was for The New Kid (gotta call him something else...), one was for Sakurai, one was for that number 14 cager and one was for writing.

My favourite was the one for Sakurai. The weirdest was the one for writing, and it also happens to be the lousiest.

The most crappy, however, was the one for The New Kid. Ahahahahaha. I think if I ever let him read it he'll laugh his head off.

Obviously, I have nothing to write about.

Shit. Got Othello test tomorrow. It's a make-up that was supposed to have taken place last term but my dear teacher forgot all about it and now I have to take it after P.E. tomorrow. AFTER 5.15 P.M.

Bloody freaking hell.

I hate it when I have nothing to do on Sundays and even if I do I don't do them because I'm too lazy to and I actually took a nap today and I hate taking naps because they are such a waste of time but I couldn't help it because I miraculously woke up at 8.28 a.m. for whatever fucked up reason so I was understandably tired and I realised yesterday that I haven't written an original narrative for ages and if it weren't for the Slam Dunk fandom I would've not written a short story in ages and okay I'm just rambling but sometimes I like doing this just type on and on without punctuating anything I mean it's fun if you ask me although I doubt you would but yeah I mean I don't know whatever all right?

I wouldn't wax lyrical about how I keep thinking about The New Kid because if I do that I'd end up making myself sick. I just can't stand the romantic crap that people do to each other. It's like, get a fucking life. Nobody gives a shit how in love you are and just get a bloody room lah for crying out loud.

But yeah I think about him quite a lot.

Anyway, I have to stop yakking about him to my mom in case she suspects we're starting to become more than friends. Right now she thinks that we're really good friends (which we are) and that's good. She should keep thinking that way.

Argh. I wish I didn't have such anal parents. I hate lying to them about such things, 'cause when I come home really happy I can't say a word about it. And if I tell them the truth they'd just go ballistic on me and irritate the living fuck out of me. It's happened before and it will happen again until I move out and I seriously can't stand it.

I talked about this with him yesterday. He could actually understand where my folks are coming from, and I do too, as hard as it is to believe but there's gotta be someplace to draw the line. I don't feel bad about going out with The New Kid under false pretenses, unless not as bad as it was before with the previous one, because he's genuinely a good guy and everything. And... hmm. I don't know what I'm trying to say here.

But honestly, this whole thing is beginning to feel too much like the past. I don't really know what I want.

I think one day I will do an entry completely in Singlish, just for the heck of it, and because it's fun.

...

(up the slope to my condominium)

me: you're crazy, you know that? why are you doing this?

him: because.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010