a nation's pride and joy, an individual's comedic tragedy
written: 1:45 p.m. on Sunday, Aug. 10, 2003

A clear sign that school is completely taking over my life, or what is left of it: I dreamt of my progress report. B for Literature, F for I think History. Can't remember the rest. And that was so real that I think I believed that um, yeah, that it was real.

But anyway, who cares? I don't.

It was National Day yesterday. I watched the parade on TV. Ha. What a bloody comedy. It's the same old boring shite year after year but I watch anyway because I enjoy laughing at the whole farce that is the NDP. Some of the things that they do... my god, I could piss my pants laughing. The item put up by the students from Commonwealth Secondary School made me laugh the most, but it wasn't as much about the actions that they did as it was about the costume that they wore, and the fact that my friend was part of the whole... thing. They wore this white jacket and white cotton pants with this red strip down the side with this silver, shiny checkered blouse and carried this cardboard star, neon pink (I think) on one side, neon green on the other. I met my friend at the basketball court over the holidays and he mentioned once that he was rehearsing for the NDP and I thought of that, pictured him in the costume and just laughed for the rest of that segment.

And I loathed the way they were chanting, "One people, one nation, one Singapore." It just sounded phony, synthetic and awful. And today's papers have quite a few pages dedicated to yesterday's parade, and I was quite marvelled at how some people said they felt proud to be Singaporeans simply by being at the parade and singing the national anthem with fellow Singaporeans.

I'm sorry, I'm just too cynical to buy into that bullshit. I'm not questioning the validity of those comments; I know that it's pretty much what I'd feel too if I were there. But the reality is that such feelings are but transient and awfully fickle. You can feel pride for a day, but for the rest of the year, you'd be wondering why you haven't packed and migrated already, why the government is fucking you over with so many of its double standards, why the government isn't taking care of you and giving you a job purely on the basis that you got retrenched, along with 8341837431954731 other people in the country, why you're allowing yourself to be trapped in this crazy, frantic society that refuses to open itself up and yet claims to be remaking itself with some insipid "Remaking Singapore" programme or whatever. And it's the economic crisis and yet they spent millions of dollars on that parade, not to mention Dhoby Ghaut (sp) MRT station with its endless negative spaces that resembles an airport, and for what reason? It's just an MRT station, for the love of god. We don't need such a huge MRT station and we certainly don't need a National Day Parade.

But that's just my cynicism talking. I definitely do not stand representative and I can't stand people who generalise one nation based on one individual's comment.

My diary from many yesterdays ago. I can't believe it's still there.

It's not that I'm not patriotic. It's just that, yes, I'm too cynical for my own good and I found the parade awfully hilarious, not to mention I refuse to be hypocritical when it comes to this matter. I complain about Singapore every day and I don't see why I should stop for one day just because the country turns 38, only to forget that one day and pick up exactly where I left off the next day.

Do you know what I mean?

Oh well. Doesn't matter.

before sunrise // before sunset

- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010