perhaps it's anger. or perhaps it's just me.
written: 9:07 p.m. on Monday, Aug. 11, 2003

Legs felt like hell after PE today though I didn't do much, merely ran four rounds and played basketball.

I should take my medication every day as prescribed by the doctor. Problem is, I'm too lazy to bring it to school, and even if I do start bringing it to school I'd be too lazy to go to my bag in my room, take out the bottle, go to the kitchen and swallow a pill. I'd probably drink water straight from the kettle by pouring it into my mouth just so I wouldn't have to wash a cup.

Okay, so yes, I'm really lazy, but hey. What's to be done about that when I don't give that much of a crap myself?

Apparently the teachers are not interested in seeing my parents for Saturday's meet the parents day so I guess I'm safe for now, but then again I'm just dillusioning myself because I know I'm in some sort of trouble that could very well fuck up my ambitious plan for the future if I don't somehow get myself out of this stupid, shitty murk.

I don't know. I'm just really bored. And I'm editing this Slam Dunk fanfic for this girl whose Mitsui birthday fic I sort of flamed and I'm kind of floored by the myriad grammatical errors in the fic, and the awkwardness of a lot of expressions. Really shows the mammoth difference in Singapore's English education and her country's. (Can't remember what, but it's a Southeast Asian country.)

Not that I'm bragging. It's just a fact.

The New Kid kinda told his mom about me, although he conveniently left out that bit about us going out. So like, I find it quite interesting, 'cause he gave me this nice bread today and said it was from his mom. He also told me that he told his mom that I like bubble tea, and she was like, "Invite her [me] over one day and I'll make bubble tea for her."

Aww so cute, eh? I know. She sounds nice. Everybody's mothers sound nice. I think I'm the only person with a mom that doesn't really mix with my friends. But I don't blame her because she's just quiet by nature.

She used to look very, very scarily like me... or okay, fine, I look like her when she was my age. That is, minus the humongous glasses and the nerdy haircut and all.

I'm kind of digressing and it amazes me how I can get from talking about The New Kid to talking about my mom.

My father just came in. I have this overdue library book that's nowhere to be found. He asked me if I found it. I muttered, "Yeah..." Not true, of course. Kinda reprimanded me a little. Then he just told me to return the damn thing tomorrow.

I can't stand things like that. I can't stand how strict he is with me sometimes. I think he should realise that I lie to him about going out with The New Kid because he's so anal and narrow-minded about things like that. Just because I like him and vice versa doesn't mean we're going to have sex and we're in the same class taking the same exams so I don't see how he's going to be a distraction from my studies.

Other than those two points, I really don't understand the reasoning behind "not allowing" me to date.

Fuck. I'm 17 years old. And they still wonder why I'm so keen on spending two weeks in Perth at the end of the year with my friends, AWAY FROM THEM nevermind that I'm going to waste six days on GP-related bullshit that I'm not interested in in the slightest bit.

Speaking of this Perth thing. I suppose I didn't mention it here but yes the school's organising some immersion (?) programme thing to Perth with I think the University of New South Wales in December that's supposed to benefit the weaker GP students. And I heard that the C-banders get the trip free while geniuses like me have to pay up to two thousand dollars for it. So anyway, by right I don't need to go for it, obviously, considering I was one of the two people in my A-banders class who scored an A2 for GP for the progress report.

The trip's gonna be a waste of my time, money and, well, that's about it. But I want to go. It's two weeks away from home and possibly with The New Kid in Australia.

It sounds like bloody paradise to me. Imagine all the things that I can do, all the time I can spend with him without feeling guilty as hell about it.

I hate it when they make me feel guilty. Fuck. I don't deserve it.

I don't need any of this.

before sunrise // before sunset

- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010