i wanna run away and never say goodbye
written: 6:27 p.m. on Thursday, Aug. 21, 2003

Just really fucking tired of the bullshit that goes on in school day in, day out.

Just really fucking tired of being fucking tired and it's beginning to show on my fucking face.

People are always asking if I'm all right. And I ask why, and they say, "You look so stressed."

I'm seriously considering dropping Econs but I don't want to give up my 4As dream.

I mean, I need something to set me apart from the other students in my school and that is it. Getting 4As.

Although the chances of me passing everything are extremely slim right now.

Oh fucking hell. All I want now is a nice helicopter to jet me to some exotic island miles and miles away from this claustrophobic red dot in a sea of green I call Singapore where I can relax, swim with the fish and the mermaids and not have to worry about school.

School. It's the very bane of my existence. It's the one thing I love to hate and hate to love.

Because without school, I'm pretty much nothing.

I want to yell 'fuck' at the top of my lungs.

I did that in 1999, when I was thirteen, after some intense argument with my folks. I was blasting silverchair's "Freak Show" and everything and amidst Daniel Johns' angry words and furious guitar riffs I kind of lost it and I shoued, 'FUCK!' at the top of my lungs.

My father may not know English but he certainly knows the word 'fuck'.

He thought I was saying, "Fuck you." To him.

In fact, I was only trying to relieve tension.

And I haven't talked about that incident or thought about it in years.

Needless to say, it's one memory I'm not too keen on keeping, but we never have a choice when it comes to memories. You can't discard unwanted ones like used tissue paper.

So what do you do then?

Just don't think about it. The escapist way is the best way.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010