i'll always hate school.
written: 6:14 p.m. on Wednesday, Jan. 14, 2004

Oh wait, I just did.

That wasn't funny.

Anyway, I'm seriously considering overdosing myself on caffeine (sp? brains are dead now), like what I was considering yesterday. I found myself precariously falling asleep during my Econs lecture, which was second period, despite me thinking that the topic on government intervention or whatever the hell the topic I'm doing now is called is pretty interesting. I mean, I never knew that public goods aren't public goods at all. The public telephone isn't a 'public good' by the bloody confusing economic definition, and neither is a public swimming pool, a public basketball court or whatever else. That was some serious enlightenment and I felt great to be enlightened, but I was falling asleep nonetheless.

I mean, I did wake up at 3 a.m. and then 6 a.m. again to pee, but still.

It's getting out of hand, my perpetual weariness and tiredness. I slept like a log at the study benches after Econs despite the noisy chatterings around me. Why? Why am I so damn tired? Even now, after drinking the lovely White Chocolate Dream ice-blended from Coffee Bean, I'm still feeling like I could plop my body on the nearest bed right now and not wake up until 6 in the morning tomorrow.

Maybe I just need to get used to this whole Year Two thing. It's supposedly a really big deal or whatever, and I guess it is, seeing as I'm taking the 'A' Levels in November, which would pretty much determine whether I'd get to go to New York or be stuck forever in this tiny red pimple doing shit, but day by day, I feel my determination being increasingly undermined by the unsurmountable pressure and stress I get in school, day in, day out. I'm a natural slacker; procrastination and frivolity are in my blood, engraved DEEPLY in my DNA. To mug, to study my arse off, is a concept that I'm not familiar with at all and I haven't the drive to start befriending it.

Hell, I'm anti-social anyway. Hate making new friends. Can't be bothered to talk to new people. Which should explain my non-popularity as an OGL, but I don't care about THAT either.

Um, I'm digressing again. Ah screw it. Bottom line: I'm tired and I want to quit school but I can't 'cause if I do my parents will kill me and I won't have jack-shit to do if I don't go to school so it's a lose-lose situation all the way and poor me has/have no choice but to grin and bear it, or bitch and bear it, whatever, just BEAR IT!

My new life motto thing: ���������޵�.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure yet what 'ren' means, so I can't translate that.

Wait, just checked it out. Still don't really know what it means but I think it has got something to do with um, compassion or whatever. Doesn't really apply to me. I like the 'tian xia wu di' part though, to be invincible, to be the absolute best and second to none.

And that is pretty much prove of how self-absorbed I have become.

Anyway, moving away from this topic. My History teacher asked me to be a part of some History seminar thing conducted by the National University of Singapore's history department. The details are still sketchy to me, but apparently, it's a prestigious thing and teams from various junior colleges will have to present some research paper or whatever.

I'm quite torn on this. I want to do it and yet I don't. On the one hand, having that thing on my testimonial would prove to be, well, good. And that is basically the only reason for me wanting to do it, despite 1) having absolutely no interest in History, all thanks to my school; 2) knowing next-to-nothing about History, despite getting a B for the promos last year, but that was due to some seriously smart last-minute studying and nothing more; and 3) having way too much work on my hands to commit to something else. I'm already falling behind and I need a lot of time to catch up, especially for Maths and Econs, ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY for Maths, a thing that I hate even more than school.

But I REALLY want to have the thing on my testimonial. Oh, and I need points for representation, especially since I think I have none.

So how?

Shit, I don't even like History. Why can't they have a Literature seminar? I'd go for that one without even considering it.

Argh. I'm hungry and light-headed. I hate school.

this entry requires chinese simplified encoding.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010