no title today
written: 6:11 p.m. on Wednesday, Jan. 28, 2004

1. Study.

2. Pay attention in lectures.

3. Stop surfing the Net on weekdays.

4. Do my homework.

5. Revise my work when I get home.

6. Stop tuning out in Econs lectures.

7. Read. Read a lot. Read a lot of Literature texts.

8. Read the 'Commentary' section of the newspaper and not get bored.

9. Flip through the dictionary more.

10. Be more tolerant of stupid teachers who can't do their jobs right.

And most importantly:

11. Change my attitude towards schoolwork, because my intelligence cannot and does not substantiate my arrogance.

I think I mentioned here that I'm always feeling like I'm surrounded by retards in school, but how true that is is another story completely. Maybe I'm not that smart, for if I were, I wouldn't be feeling so lost and confused all the time in Maths and Economics classes. (Especially Maths.)

But I still feel like I could do so much better than them anyway, and I think this is mostly attributed to the fact that my command of English is better than the general population of JJC students by this much.

Why would I equate one's command of the English language to one's level of intelligence, especially when I'm beginning to wish that I were better in Chinese after all? I don't know. But I feel that whenever I overhear students talking, whenever I read some of the things they write and automatically correct their English in my mind.

Not very sure where I'm going with this, truth be told. But I'm very much aware of an arrogance that is building up inside of me that perhaps dupes me into believing that I'm better than the school which I'm in. I was never really snotty enough to think that I'm better than certain people, but now I do, and on a regular basis too. It's almost as if it's inherent, somehow. It's really not good that I'm letting the elite school shit get into my head.

But yeah, back to my point when I started typing this. Which was... hmm, I can't remember.

Fuck, I hate this. I'm always digressing and going off track. No wonder I can't even write anything for the Commonwealth Essay Competition. I told myself to write the first draft by the end of the month and it's three days to my deadline and I haven't written even a word, just vague and useless outlines written on scraps of paper that I either misplaced or find silly now.

I hate JC. It sucks. I'm too tired to bother but I have to anyway.

I'm already thinking about what I would be doing at this time next year, which is basically a lot of slacking and a lot of no school, and I'm excited, really excited, can't wait for that moment to arrive when I would kiss pre-u education good-bye, no more irritating Cambridge exams and NO MORE MATHEMATICS!, and no more uniform and I would be free, finally, to pursue my passion and my interests, and during this time next year, I would get a job and get myself a nice salary so that I can buy the things I want without having to go through my parents (the Panasonic x70 handphone, for example) and I can't wait...

But for that to happen, I'd need to take my 'A' Levels. And seriously, I don't even feel like I'm old enough to do that.

Scary that I'm 18 this year. I don't even feel like I'm 17.

**

On a less heavy note, I was stopped by my Literature Paper One teacher today while changing classrooms. I met him in the hallway and I said hi to him, as per usual, and he posed me this question:

"You do know who Kurt Cobain is, don't you?"

I said, "Of course. Nirvana. Why?"

He did a little frown, the trademark frown of his that always makes me laugh 'cause it's really quite adorable, and said, "I was just talking to my previous class and they have no idea who he is. Really don't know what to do with this lot."

Me: "GP class?"

Yes.

Me: "Science stream?"

Yes.

That should explain it, I said.

He laughed and walked away.

Damn deprived lot, they are. Only in JJC.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010