i would stab my eye with a fork if i have to think up another goddamn shot description again
written: 5:50 p.m. on Monday, Feb. 02, 2004

Feeling more than a little pissed off now. If you want to know why, I got my knickers all tied up in a dead knot when I got stuck doing some fucked up numerical analysis question.

Yes, my dear friend, Mathematics is killing me, softly and silently but deadly and lethally and I really really want to throw in the bloody towel and give up but for some obscure reason that eludes me right now, I'm going to keep at it anyway, let Mathematics get the better of me even though I can choose to slay it with my powerful hands and drop it but I'm just going to keep at it, even if it kills me.

Did I ever mention that I'm awfully stubborn? Or maybe this isn't about me being stubborn, but my pride issue instead. I would die before I admit to you that I can't do something. And my inability to do that stupid NA question is only temporary, until I seek help, and once I seek help, I'd ace the subject and THEN you'll see, so HA.

Change of subject.

I didn't go for the roadshow thing on Sunday after all. I was too lazy to and I couldn't be bothered in the end. Still, when I read in the papers that Sammi Cheng has just confirmed her attendance at the MTV Asia Awards, I got another round of panic attack and it was the usual, "Shit, what if Jielun goes? Please Jielun, ��Ҫ��! ��Ҫ��������ô���鷳����?"

(Translation: Don't come! Don't create so much trouble for me can??????)

Well, what the hell is a teenybopper to do, right? And I'm aware that this doesn't make for very compelling reading so I'm changing the subject again.

So I went to the doctor three times last month, and even though it's February, I'm still having a sore throat. And I don't want to do PE ever again as it's simply evil but we all know that.

What I didn't know, prior to reading today's Life!, was that Alfian Sa'at is actually twenty-five years old, an NUS under-graduate (or something along those lines lah) and bloody good-looking to boot. I've always thought that he's some old fart who's always winning the NAC Golden Point award, which more or less should account for the 'old fart' thing but he's actually as old as Jielun! Like, what the fuck, that is just... amazing!

Why is it amazing, you ask? Well, I don't know. Do I need a reason to think it's amazing?

I wanted to do one of his plays for the Drama Fest but my class wanted to do Herland. You know, the feminism utopian novel by Charlotte Perkins Gilman? And we're doing The Vagina Monologues as well, only, we're calling it "Instruments" as we doubt very much that the anal retentive, fucking cheena piang school/principal would approve of it, not that it matters anyway, seeing as the first viewing is this Friday, and I haven't got either scripts, which means we haven't even started rehearsing, which means we're doomed.

Lovely. We did Hamlet last year. Well, Mel and I did Hamlet with a few other people, anyway. I hate acting, have I ever told you? I really hate it. I can't do it, I can only criticise, and despite knowing what is good acting and what is non-existent acting, I can't do it myself.

I suppose it's true what they say: Those who can't, criticise.

Though that saying makes next-to-no sense, for how would you know what to criticise if you don't know the craft you're criticising in the first place?

In other news, I finished the Commonwealth story, but I'm in the process of self-deprecating and convincing myself that I'm crap as I genuinely think the story is fucking badly-written, which means I would be wasting time trying to make it not half as shoddy and neglect my school work, but hell, what else is new? Writing takes precedence over everything else, and school would mean jackshit to me if I didn't need to do JC to enter the university.

I feel a school-related rant coming on, and dammit, are those shit stale as hell, so forget it.

I need to pick up that pen again and start scribbling, abandon this stupid electronic bullshit and fill up my diary, the one I start in AUGUST LAST YEAR, for crying out loud, but somehow, I can't part with this.

And somehow, I'm too lazy to do anything I know I should.

Task for tonight: Finish up GP essay (shittily-written too) and Econs case study, which was due, oh, last Wednesday?

Parting shot: Fuck me, my life is dull!

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before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010