valentine's day
written: 9:58 p.m. on Sunday, Feb. 15, 2004

Not that it means anything to me, for it sure doesn't. I spent my entire day in school yesterday, going through the motions of performing duties for Love Fiesta, the funfair that wasn't really that fun held at my school, organised by my CCA. Compared to the mega funfair that St. Nicks held last year, Love Fiesta was an ant. Seriously. And I could've sworn that our initial proposals involved the classrooms and pretty much the entire school, but in the end, the bloody principal restricted everything to the canteen, the field and the concourse. The end result? Utter boredom.

Okay, so I'm just being cynical and all things considered, it was quite a success, but I still would rather have a larger-scaled one than... that. The ant. Bleah. Whatever.

So I was in charge, with another girl, of the entrepreneurial stalls, although I pretty much did nothing, as usual, and some alumni guy ran a car wash service, and thus we had to supervise about 12 poor Year One girls while they carried out the car wash. It ran from 10.30 a.m. all the way to 5 p.m. I popped in and out of the thing periodically, as I was going crazy from having nothing to do and the heat, my goodness the heat was giving me a migraine that I used to get in secondary school during all those annoying afternoon classes, and in short, I wasn't feeling very good.

And yes, I am quite selfish as I left the other girl in charge all by herself, and at 5 p.m. when I went back to the parade square where the car wash was being carried out, she was sitting down in one corner, her face flushed, looking drained as hell.

Poor thing. I felt quite bad about leaving her alone to do the stuff while I went crazy with Mel but what's one to do? I'm just not good at things like that.

Funfair aside, something interesting happened to me, but before that, I shall warn everyone first that I'm going to talk about Feather again, and at length too. Are you ready? Actually, I don't even care. Just bloody read. Or not.

Okay, so I stayed up till about 1 a.m. the night before doing something for him. I made him a very pink card, but I didn't write anything related to Valentine's Day on it, as I thought it would be awfully cliche and a little too obvious. Instead, I wrote him a poem. A stupid poem, but much better than the first one I wrote out of sheer boredom. In addition to the poem, I wrote him a letter. And I put everything into a self-made envelope, only it wasn't white like I'd planned. It was purple and pink with teddy bears on it, with messages like "especially for you" and whatnot. And trust me, it wasn't intentional at all. It was getting late and I was getting very sleepy, and I wasn't about to leave the thingies in his tray (it's actually a paper box, but never mind) in full view without something to conceal them from prying eyes. And since I only had white A4 paper and they're too small, I looked around my tornado-hit room and found a few pieces of wrapping paper left over from last year's farewell party thing for my seniors.

I thought the wrapping paper was extreme overkill but there wasn't really much of a choice, you see. It was after 12 midnight and I had to get up at 6.40 a.m. in the morning just to go to school and to be excused from the utterly redundant road run, but I feel a rant coming on and I'm already running short of time so I shan't digress.

So anyway I left the card in Feather's tray early in the morning, after going up to the staffroom twice and changing my mind a few times. And I saw him early in the morning at the field where everyone was lined up for the stupid road run. He looked so amazingly dashing. He wore a pair of khaki pants, an off-white shirt with some prints on them (can't really remember), TUCKED OUT, and it doesn't sound very unusual but god, that man is gorgeous. Too damn bad that his civics class, which is some bloody science stream class, was behind mine.

More importantly though, I got to talk to him.

Okay, that's a bit of a stretch, since I didn't really say anything apart from 'hi', but here's what happened.

In the afternoon, when I was supposed to be at the car wash but was elsewhere hanging out and goofing off with Mel instead, Mel and I were walking all over the school, and I saw him in the canteen. It was just his back view but it put a nice smile on my face anyway. He was walking with some downright flaky female teacher, some stupid bitch whom I can't stand the sight of (and I am justified in thinking so, as I'm not the only one who shares this opinion of her), and I was like, "Oh shit, he's with some woman!"

Seconds later, they parted. Awww. The heavens must have heard me. Yeah, whatever.

We lost sight of him a while later and we went back to our CCA room. I couldn't get him out of my mind, and I wanted to go look at him, so I said to Mel, "Hey, I'm going to go stalk Feather now. You wanna come along?"

Turned out that she was feeling guilty about what happened the day before, and so she took two balloons (my CCA room was transformed into a helium balloon factory of sorts) and said, "Yeah, let's give him a balloon lah."

Long story cut short, we ran around the school looking for him, and our classmate told us that he was in the canteen, so we went back to the canteen and I spotted him at his class stall. Mel had lost her balloon and I was still holding on to mine.

I planned to give him the balloon, which is in a very pretty shade of blue and I love blue, myself, but when I saw him, I just... I simply lost all nerves. I'm not kidding. Prior to that I played out nice dramas in my head in which I'd coolly go up to him and say something impressive and things along those lines, but when it was time to act them out in real life, I just couldn't do it.

In the end Mel took my balloon and gave it to him, and I felt awkward standing around while they talked so I sat down on one of the tables away from them. He didn't see me, thank goodness, or I would've died there and then.

Unfortunately, or not, I still can't decide, Mel apparently told him about me whilst they were talking. She came back a while later and said, "Come on, I told him I'd introduce you to him. Let's go."

Naturally, I freaked out. I went, "What?? I don't want! I'm scared! Can we just leave?"

She refused to let me leave and practically dragged me over to Feather, who, may I remind you, is devastatingly gorgeous. And then everything kind of happened in a blur. I wasn't even focused, I didn't even know what was happening, I didn't have time to think about what was happening, everything just happened.

So Mel said, "This is my twin Yelen. If you know me, you must know her. We go together."

Feather looked at me (my god, those eyes!). He seemed somewhat confused. He said something along the lines of, "She's not my student right?"

Mel replied, "Yeah she's not, but she's my twin, and we were in the same class last year. If you know me, you must know her."

I said hi and repeated my name as he didn't catch it, and while Mel talked to him, I stood there and all I could think of was how damn badly I needed a chair. It was then that I understood the association of being weak in the knees with coming face to face with the person with whom you're infatuated. And the fact that he's so sophisticated and a MAN and an ADULT didn't make things easier. I didn't know what to do, what to say, and you'd think that it would come easy to me, considering I went up to that basketballer whom I had a silly crush on and asked for his number, with complete NONCHALANCE. But no, Feather has some uncanny effect on me that makes me lose my confidence and self-assurance. I don't know why. I turned into a complete nervous school girl, like I was fifteen or something.

And so after saying hi, I said to Mel, "Okay let's go." And so we left, but not before I saw him smile.

GODDD is he so absolutely gorgeously beautiful or what! So now he knows who I am, and let's hope he forgets. I don't really want him to make the connection between the anonymous poem and me, although he'd be pretty damn dense if he doesn't.

Oh I don't know. I didn't want him to know me at all. I was contented with just admiring him from afar, but now, I'd feel obliged to say hi to him if I see him around and how am I going to do that?

Well, wish I could write more but it's late and I need to write my speech for the History seminar next Saturday, so I'm ending this here.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010