in memoriam
written: 5:29 p.m. on Saturday, Jun. 19, 2004

Oh my god. I wasn't really dying to read the book or anything; just wouldn't mind reading it. When I saw how offer-ed the book was though I just grabbed it and paid for it.

I may abhor many Singaporean traits but I must say that I do share my fellow countrypeople's love for a good bargain.

It has also a lot got to do with the fact that money is slowly flowing out of the household.

Today is June 19.

I forgot last year's June 19. Remembered this year's, because I've recently dug up my old diaries and read them.

(If you are wondering about the significance of the date, or the non-significance because I don't fucking care no more, refer to archived entries.)

I don't feel anything. I don't think I should feel anything. The point is, it's over.

And surprisingly, after a strange night of thinking and some soul-searching, I don't blame him anymore.

I guess I was so caught up in shifting the blame away from myself (it hurts less this way) that I conveniently forgot that it takes two to clap, and insert other similar cliches here because I don't want to, and I'm glad it happened, because, no, I'm not glad that it happened, I meant I'm glad that I read those diaries because prior to that I would never have touched them but I touched them that sleepless night and I read them and now I understand it all so much better. It's easier to live with myself.

Well, then again, I wasn't exactly hating myself and carving up my arms as a result but whenever I thought back to that period of time there was always this repugnant sense of disgust and self-loathe and like I said, I never read the diaries, but I mean, I'm not being coherent here but fuck coherence, the thing is, the negative feelings have subsided somewhat and I'm thinking it's gonna be awhile before high tide comes by again.

I love the moon. I love its strong graceful charismatic aura, its mystery, its gentle guiding light. It isn't audacious and loud and obnoxious like the sun. It is, in fact, the anti-sun. And that's why I love the moon.

Nothing, in my opinion, can ever be too quiet, too lackadaisical, too mild. Boredom is good when excitement is warped to the extent that having it is gonna fuck you up.

Right now it's boredom and yes I do think I like boredom in fact I do think I like boredom very much.

I love trivia. I'm addicted to this site: click. I guess it's just me though.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010