a rant.
written: 6:53 p.m. on Friday, Aug. 13, 2004

Excuse me while I laugh.

Having that said, I would have to say that:

1. I respect Mr. LKY, despite his draconian tendencies and everything else. Fact: He made Singapore using his bare hands and his sweat, tears and blood. Fact: He is a genius. Fact: He's damn cool. Hence, while I laugh at his official title, I'm not surprised that he's still in politics even though he's 20 years past the retirement age. His suppression of the communists not less than twenty years ago was indeed harsh, but if the only alternative was a China-ish Singapore, then I'm bloody glad that he did what he did. I don't care what people say. The Chinese people and Communism are not synonymous with each other, and Communism is the worst form of government ever. Democracy is not perfect; it's not even close. But it is still the best alternative we have. I mean, let's face it. People are essentially stupid. A state of lawlessness, a state without government, would will descend into chaos sooner than one can say "anarchy". Hence.

2. Despite its short-comings, and believe me, there are many, I do not have a problem with the PAP... for the most part. I may bitch about the government and whatnot but at the end of the day, one still admits -- if rather begrudgingly -- that they're doing a good job. Look at it this way: Things could be a lot worse. I could be living in immense poverty right now, or under a fucked up dictatorship that infringes upon my basic rights as a human being. Or I could be totally free but looking behind my shoulder every other minute because I'm not sure if I'm going to be randomly stabbed/shot/robbed/etc etc. Yes, there's always room for improvement, but for the most part, the government is okay.

3. Yeah, I think that's it.

If I were completely pro-government I would cease to be me but yeah lah, it's okay lah. I'll take the good with the bad.

I have to gripe about Cambridge and its utter stupidity or I will die.

So basically no one takes GP seriously as the markers have this huge gigantic stick permanently shoved up their arses because they seem to think that a neat script with minimal cancellations but shitty English deserves a better grade than a script filled with cancellations but with a better command of English and stuff so I'm just like why the fuck am I taking this so seriously then? I'm just another four pieces of paper bound together by a tiny thread to you, so why, why, why, why goddamn fucking why do I care so much? Why is my future seemingly banked on whether I get an A1 or an A2? Why are we subjugated to fat white men in stuffy suits? Why? Just because I'm Asian/Singaporean/Chinese does not mean that my English is worse than yours. I can safely say that I, along with a few people I know, write in English better than half of the native English speakers our age out there. In fact, given a few more years, I could probably be the goddamn chief examiner or whatever other fucking pompous stupid name you have.

I hate you. You're an asshole. You deserve to be shot. You can say that you're old, your eyesight is failing you, you're marking 400 scripts, but have you ever considered that I am an 18-year-old kid robbed of a fucking social life or anything that even slightly resembles it and I am writing an argumentative essay in an hour and a half and this examination is my ticket to the future and it is my life we're talking about here, not yours, whatever you do you're still getting paid, but if you screw up my mark simply on the basis that I cross out many words and lines despite the fact that I have a fucking good command of English... do you realise that it's a complete travesty then? The A Levels? Do you realise that you would have effectively destroyed, annihilated, whatever sliver of opportunity I might have had in achieving something greater than myself?

But what the hell do you care, right? I'm just another four pieces of paper, bound together by a tiny piece of white thread. I'm just a citizen of an ex-British colony. I'm nobody, right? Just another four pieces of paper, bound together by a tiny piece of white thread.

Seriously. Enough bullshit. Credit should be given where credit is due. If GP were an exercise in writing neatly, then I understand. But the last I checked, it's not.

Just get off that fucking high horse. It's bad enough that I have to conform to your stupid, asisine rubric just to secure my A1 (and fuck, I deserve it, untidy scrawl and all), even worse that I have to take this stupid subject in the first place. Seriously, you're all braindead. And because of that I have to be so along with everyone else as well.

Oh, I love exams. I feel like such an individual. I feel like I'm completely true to myself. I feel like I'm not selling myself out at all.

He was wrong about one thing today. Conforming to the rubric is selling myself out; the silent protest thing is, of course, otherwise.

Okay, whatever. Just thinking about it really pisses me off. And this entry is long enough, and I have to go for dinner, so suffice to say, ultimately, that...

I am resigned to my fate. I chose the bed, I made it, and now I'm going to lie in it.

What other choices do I have otherwise?

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010