another banal and boring entry.
written: 7:56 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 30, 2004

Yep.

When I asked him what I should do the day before the bloody GP he said, "Study your other subjects."

Dude, you think too highly of me. That other thing you said totally confirms it too. Then again, you're kinda crazy so I guess you're forgiven.

Anyway, had a three-hour Maths session with my cousin. I don't know why but the time just flew and I thought it was only two hours at most but nope. This is strange but I could've sworn that there were moments during which I actually kinda liked what I was doing.

Well, those moments were but short-lived. I'm sure that I'd revert back to wanting to slug the shit out of it when I try to get my head around three-dimensional problems later on.

Okay, so yeah.

Just had dinner and I'm bloated; stomach feels like it's pregnant.

Speaking of pgrenancy, I'd rather die than to get married and to conceive, or even just to conceive.

Then again, I don't feel much like talking about it.

JJC vs. SNGS: JJC wins.

I think JJC has been good for me. I was reading my October/November 2002 entries and I just could not believe how indifferent and not-bothered I was towards the O Levels. Yes, it was so damn stupid and easy that to study for it would be to insult one's intelligence, and that is just a lousy excuse for one's laziness.

Talk about extremely wasted potential. That single-digit aggregate could've been mine, if only. Being surrounded by people who were much more academically-inclined than I was simply served to dispell any thoughts I might have had about excelling academically. It was part laziness, part rebellion, part stupidity. More importantly, it is something I've already left behind, a long time ago.

JJC woke me up, although I don't think the school would like to take credit for it. I was sick of having my intelligence defined by my school's ill reputation, because it's plain to anyone that I'm so much better than what its name implies. Being surrounded by people less capable, less intelligent, less motivated than me only made me want to box out of the scene and defy the expectations of all the outsiders who haven't got a clue.

Even topping the level is not enough. Some people, like myself, would just say, "Well, duh; it only makes sense, since the school is bloody stupid." The ultimate icing on the cake, therefore, comes in the form of the attainment of A's in the A Levels.

I think that would be the only time during which I would cease to feel defensive around my relatives whenever the subject of school arises (and it arises a lot). I feel like I have something to prove to them and to everyone else, that JJC does not, and never will, define me, that falling from grace is a mere illusion and nothing else, because I've never lost it. It's always been in me. I just chose not to realise and acknowledge it.

So yeah, I've been stupid. I've been sleep-walking through my whole life. And thanks to JJC and its inept students (generally speaking; there are capable people in there too, of course) I have finally woken up.

So. JJC vs. SNGS? JJC still wins. And anyway, I have fonder memories of the place than I have of SNGS. I hated SNGS and no amount of bad English would make me forget how much I hated it.

On the downside, I developed my snob complex in the school but I'm sure I'd get over it when I'm out of the place.

Yeah, that's just hypocritical. Kinda like Serena Joy and her stick in her garden in The Handmaid's Tale. I'm too lazy to provide the context.

Anyway, I still haven't figured out how to study for Lit Paper 1. I don't think I can pull another O Level Lit, or even prelim Lit, ie. totally not study for it, go into the exam hall, spend three hours writing three shitty essays and get an A in the end.

I'm never that lucky. And I need more than 75% for Paper 1 or else Paper 8 is going to kill me and I refuse to let the Bulldog have that satisfaction.

Ha. You said I'm gonna fail, eh? Well guess what? I just topped the cohort. So if I'M gonna fail, JJC would get 100% failures for the A Levels. You should kill yourself for messing up that paper. Stupid ass.

Anyway, I was just skimming through my archives and I realised that I've quite a lot of typos and grammatical mistakes. Oh well. Too darn lazy to correct them.

I can't wait to go shoppping. I can't wait to attend Jielun's gig. I can't wait to finally go back to Taiwan. Brilliant stuff.

But I don't, ever, for the life of me, want to take my exams.

I'm gonna die.

That's all.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010