360-degree spin.
written: 6:22 p.m. on Friday, Nov. 05, 2004

Okay, somehow, for some reason or other, last night while I was doing my imperialism thingy I suddenly felt okay about the GP. It sounds weird but that's just how it is. One minute I was still obsessing over all the mistakes I made, all the things I could've done, et al, and the next, it was like, "Hmm, wasn't that bad what." (Singlish.)

Then again, I didn't really think that but there was certainly a pervasive sense of peace. Even when I think about the essay now I don't really get the urge to clobber myself to death.

Don't ask me what happened because I really don't know. I still think I did badly. But then again, that's just me, I guess. No matter what happens I'd always mope after an exam. It's just in my nature.

Hahahahaha how hilarious. Uh, yeah.

The French Revolution positively guillotined me today. It was so boring. I guess I shouldn't have attempted to study on my brother's bed (mine is still buried under books and papers and CDs) but I did and I fell asleep. But the weather was and is so cold and nice. It was just waiting to happen, the slumber.

I spent one morning plus two hours of the afternoon reading through about twenty pages' worth of information on the course of the revolution but hardly anything went in. I find myself remembering the stupid, anedoctal thingies again, like how Marat died, and...

Okay, I don't remember what I remembered but the bottom line is, I think I'm gonna die. How many bleeding decrees did they have to pass anyway? How irritating. And I feel sorry for Louis. Poor guy. What the hell was he found "guilty" of? Many of the events really don't make any sense, but you don't have to understand the stuff to get an A.

That's the awesome part of the A Levels. Especially for history. I don't even know where in the world Constantinople is but it doesn't matter; just write down the word, say that some Russian government wanted to keep it after the fall of the tsarist regime and presto, you've made it look like you actually give a shit about and understand what went on.

Okay, I lied. I came across a map in my history book yesterday and discovered that Constantinople is in the Balkan region. But what the hell is a 'Balkan'? I don't even know what 'Slavs' are, except that the Russians are probably Slavs since Russia had this huge love affair thing going on with the Balkans before the First World War and that the Slavs live in the Balkans.

Uh, yeah. That made no sense. I'm not exactly a good History student but I only chose the subject because physical geography scared me.

For some reason I'm beginning to feel paranoid again. I think it's got lots to do with the fact that the day hasn't been productive as I haven't started to try to memorise the funny French stuff and there's still Napoleon tonight but luckily I think he's cool so that shouldn't be too difficult.

I really hope Napoleon comes out and not some odd question along the lines of "why was Louis executed?" because I don't know why he was executed either, except that people really hated his guts and they equated him with the ancien regime, but I don't think he should've been executed, just exiled, but that hardly matters and if that question comes out I'd probably just write something like, "He was executed because he wasn't a very smart guy which led people to hate him."

Well, not really, but.

I also wouldn't be able to do a question on how external events drove the revolution internally. I still don't understand how the declaration of war on Prussia/Austria (whatever lah) led to the September massacres. And speaking of massacres, I hate the French Revolution because it was so bloody. I don't really understand how so many people could've died without anyone making noise about it. I think during the Terror period alone at least 500000 died. It's sad.

And I also think it is rather odd that Christianity was so savagely attacked. Some wackos tried to force priests to marry. What the hell was wrong with these people? When I read that I just wanted to weep for those poor priests. And they went around forcing clergymen to take stupid oaths. Like, what the hell? Talk about excessive radicalism.

I forgot what those oaths were, exactly, but they weren't very nice. And I finally know what an emigre and a royalist are. Hahahahahahaha. It's about time, Yelen. And I honestly thought that Hotel de Ville (or however the spelling goes) is a hotel but it's actually the town hall.

I know. I'm so brilliant that I could've had all these misconceptions and plain not-knowing-ness (excuse the lousy non-coinage of a non-word) and still get an A for the History prelim.

The fact, however, is that the French question was on Napoleon. Yeah.

I'm just going off aimlessly and incoherently.

Wait. What else is new?

I'm going to take a shower. Hopefully I can memorise half my French notes by tonight or else I will die on Monday.

I hate Cambridge.

I love myself. I'll always love myself.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010