yes, right.
written: 9:21 p.m. on Tuesday, Feb. 22, 2005

I hate working. I wanna go back to school. But I don't want to get my A Level results.

You know, I'm so damn scared that I'm considering not going back to school to get them and asking someone to collect for me; I can already imagine the humiliation I'd have to face when it's finally shown that I am a big fat fraud after all. I'm not going to be satisfied with anything less than AAAC (C for Maths) and A1 for GP so I'm going to be damn depressed. I can already see myself hitting Orchard Road alone after I get my results and wandering all over the place until like 12 midnight. I've already told my folks that I won't be coming home if I get really shitty grades, and I have a bad feeling that I'm going to get really, really bad results.

And even if it's paranoia, Kurt Cobain said it damn well when he said, "Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not after you."

Okay, enough is enough. I'd be bombarding this journal with depressives after I get my results anyway; a preamble isn't necessary.

Secondly, I went to the Botanic Garden or whatever it's called on Sunday (my dad's birthday) with my parents and I almost died. I was so tired after that and it wasn't even as if I did a lot of walking; I didn't. I think it was the heat. Or something.

Okay, it's my grotesque lack of fitness, but whatever. Lots of dogs there though, golden retrievers aplenty and all. I'd love to have a golden retriever, but I'd be heartbroken when it dies and I don't like going through such emotions so... Besides, the house is too small. Oh well.

Thirdly, I attempt to write a non-fanfic thing last night and I still have not got over how 1) incredibly tedious the process was; and 2) bad the result was.

It was a serious case of constipation. I had to pause after every half a sentence, when I got to the comma, to think of how to continue with the damn sentence, and no matter how hard I tried to think of something good to write, the words that eventually made their way to my mind (so damn slowly too) were merely mediocre at best.

God, it's depressing, really. Writing has always been the only thing that kept me sane, the only thing that meant something to me in my life, blah blah blah pretentious shit, and now this. And it's so befuddling how the things I end up writing hardly resemble the result I'd pictured in my head, both in terms of style and content.

And speaking of content, it was another one of my 'just start something even though you don't have a plot and figure it out along the way'. How can you conceivably write a plotless story without a point? And it's not exactly as though I could deliberately make the story pointless to illustrate the bigger truth of how the point to life is that there isn't one, blah blah blah cynical shit, you know? There has to be a point, a significance...somehow.

Sigh. Fuck it.

Lastly, this concerns Jay Chou so if you're not interested, you can stop reading now.

From the bottom of the crevice where my heart should be, I hereby declare that I hate the paparazzi and the mass media.

Jielun is not a liar. He did not date Jolin Tsai. Jacky Wu did not confirm a non-existing relationship. Fuck whoever made up that shit story in the Taiwanese press that claimed that Jacky Wu spoke to them. And fuck Life!, too, for regurgitating an unreliable source; fuck them doubly hard if there isn't anything in their stupid paper tomorrow to announce that Jacky Wu had already stepped forward and clarified that he did not make the comments that so-called "article" claimed that he made.

Between a video clip (Jacky Wu saying that he didn't "confirm" a relationship between Jielun and Jolin Tsai) and a newspaper article (purporting that Jacky Wu said that he matchmade Jielun and Jolin Tsai on Jielun's request), which will you believe?

Show me proof - photos - of the Jielun/Jolin relationship and I'll take my words back. But since there never was any pictures to prove that the rumours the media has been spreading since time fucking immemorial are not rumours, people should shut up, fuck themselves and stop accusing Jielun of doing things that he did not and will never do.

I'm not merely saying this as a die-hard fan of his; it's only logical if you think about it. I mean, barely half a year since Jielun and Patty Hou got together, and the pictures were out. Hello? If Jielun was with Jolin Tsai, the pictures would've been out ten fucking million years ago.

I'm very pissed off by how the media has blown this thing entirely out of proportion, as expected. And Jolin's stupid fans are asking her not to sing Jielun's songs - give me a break. It was completely because of Jielun that she's where she is today. Who the hell even gave a shit about her before the song "Shuo Ai Ni"? Hello? And I bet a significant portion of her album sales were contributed by crazy, over-the-top fans of Jielun too, to hear his vocals in her songs. And if Jielun doesn't write songs for her anymore, who will? It's not like she can write, since she's a talentless little teenybopper who needs help writing her lyrics. How pathetic.

But I digress; back to being pissed off by the media. They're resorting to making up stories. Pathetic. Such vultures, really. There are more important things happening in the world than who Jay Chou is dating, for crying out loud.

Oh, screw it. I don't care if he marries Patty Hou tomorrow or something. Do whatever you want, but just continue to release great music for my enjoyment and come to Singapore to hold concerts that blow my mind. That's all I expect from him.

Sigh. My poor Jielun. Patty Hou better be taking care of him.

Oh, and some ass actually had the gall to speculate that Patty Hou is using Jielun to further her career. That's not only insulting to the woman; it insults Jielun too. What the fuck, I don't think he's stupid enough to be fooled like that. Duh.

Whatever.

Anyway, I need to pee. I can't wait for Initial D to come out. I saw the poster at Lido and I was so excited that I started smiling and all and I was alone. Too bad Jielun's face isn't on the poster. Oh well.

I think I'll do some (bad) writing before I sleep. Have to wake up early tomorrow though; I have to go down to Recruit Express and sign some contract at 11 in the morning. Lovely.

Sigh. I don't feel like working anymore.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010