whatever
written: 11:29 p.m. on Saturday, Mar. 12, 2005
Shit, I can't do the double honours degree. They're taking in like 12 people. Twelve people. How crazy is that? There's no way in hell that I can get in. ARGH WHY DOES LIFE ALWAYS FIND WAYS TO FUCK UP ON ME? Damn.
Oh well, I think I'm headed for Law anyway. After the talk today my interest in the course has risen a few significant notches, so yeah.
I was trying to get to FASS to sit in on the double degree talk which was at 2.30 but I didn't in the end because I couldn't find the bus stop from which I could take a shuttle bus to FASS. When I finally located the damn bus stop, after asking this cute NUS guy for directions, I was too irritated, impatient and hot to keep waiting for the bloody bus, because one had just left a minute after I reached the stop. How shit is that? And I was walking all over the damn place, looking for the bus stop, because the map the Law faculty provided was so damn incomprehensive that it wasn't helpful the slightest bit. So at like 2.34 I couldn't take it anymore and called my mom; bitched lengthily to her about my shit situation - I didn't even know how to get the hell out of NUS - and in the end, she drove to NUS and picked me up. Wahoo! I love my mom; she's the bomb. I would've had lunch at NYDC but my mom couldn't find anywhere to park the car so I settled for Mos Burger in the end. Not too shabby, really.
I can't believe I'm almost decided on law. This is coming from someone who was dead set against it right up to the day on which she received her results. In fact, my civics tutor was like, "You can go to Law!", and I told her, "I'm not interested actually."
I am the most fickle person ever. Thank you very much.
But I still wanna do Lit though. I don't know, it's shit. What can I say? I've sold out, completely, but I don't care. It doesn't matter to me anymore, my old ideals. To hell with it.
Still, despite everything, I feel a predictable and understandable reluctance to let go of Lit. I love it so much that I think I will die without it, but I will literally die without money so yeah. Is there a way out of this dilemma? I'm bothered. And whenever I read this blog, I'm like, "Shit, am I doing the right thing?" I wanna read Tolstoy (and die in the process but whatever), Chaucer, Greek tragedies, more Dickens, John Donne, et al., but not on my own, certainly. How am I supposed to figure out those things without the help of someone smarter than me?
But then again, I seriously don't think that Lit's gonna take me very far, since I'm in Singapore and all. How many Singapore writers write for a living? Apart from Catherine Lim, whom I don't think too much of, I can't think of any others. I mean, I like Claire Tham, but she's working in a bank or something. And anyway, it's not like I'm the most talented writer ever or anything like that; in fact, I think I'm so painfully mediocre that I find it laughable that I wanted to write for a living at one point in time. I'm glad I've woken up.
BUT STILL. I don't know. I hate my sentimentality but there you go.
Well, I need to go fill up the OCBC scholarship application form. I have no idea what to write under 'Why do you want the OCBC scholarship' and 'What are your future career goals?', because my answer to both questions right now is "I have no freaking idea, except that I wanna be rich and important and successful in the future for the second question". To be honest, I don't think I'd be shortlisted for any scholarships, which is why I sent an application to Singapore Power yesterday. Haha! It was just for fun so yeah.
I have to work tomorrow. Joy. StarHub is killing me. I don't know how much more of it I can take. On the bright side, I'm working the PM shift tomorrow so I get ten bucks in shift allowance. That's the only bright side though, sadly.
Can't wait for the damn contract to end.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010