NO.
written: 5:52 p.m. on Thursday, Mar. 17, 2005
Goals? No idea. How I plan to achieve them? How the fuck am I supposed to know, especially when I'm feeling all out of sorts and light-headed and quite positively sick at the moment? Crap.
(b) your career aspirations and the field of work which interests you
I don't have any career aspirations; at least, nothing concrete. All I know is that I want to be rich and powerful and successful, but what do 'powerful' and 'successful' mean? To me? I don't know either; all I have right now are vague, near-illusory concepts and notions of the kind of things that I want, or things that I think I want, nothing more.
Field of work that interests me - once again, no freaking idea. I'm not even 19 yet. How the hell am I supposed to know?
This is shit. I hate scholarship forms that ask stupid questions. Can you elaborate on what you've just said? No, bloody hell, I can't; maybe in about ten years, I could, but not right now.
This is so frustrating. Deadline is tomorrow. How how how how how how how. I planned to go shopping tomorrow for crying out loud and I wanna go shopping more than I wanna be shortlisted for scholarships. What the hell's wrong with me, right? Yeah, I know.
FUCK!!!!!!!
I can't write anything. I don't even know what to say, for chrissakes. DBS' one is worse: What's your vision for Asia in the next decade? My answer: I DON'T HAVE ONE YOU INSUFFERABLE BUGGERS. Or: My greatest achievement and worst failure. My answer: Biggest achievement - not dying halfway through the A Levels. Worst failure - not getting 4A's like I'd initially set out to do. How shallow!
I think my biggest character flaw is how I start to panic and break down whenever I'm faced with the slightest bit of stress or pressure - which is bad, because such shitty handling of crises is not going to help me become rich and powerful and successful in the future. But what am I supposed to do except to freak out when things are not going as I'd planned?
If I don't get these two short essays done by tonight...forget it. I'm not gonna bother anymore. In the first place, it's not like I have a real shot at being shortlisted anyway so screw it.
Anyway, I applied to NUS today. Double honours course, Law, and FASS.
Fuck FASS, really. I think going there would be a waste of my intelligence. Ugh. I guess this is the part where I complain and bitch and moan about being stuck in Singapore but I'm too irritated for that so whatever.
There's no way in hell I'm gonna get my first choice, which bums the living shit out of me. Imagine the money I could make in the future! (Assuming that I graduate successfully, of course.) Sigh. I want it so badly but hell, I don't even know the details of their selection criteria since I couldn't figure out how to get to FASS that day and all. It would be nice to be one of the 12 people selected for the course out of the entire 2004 A Level cohort - but that's gonna happen only in my dreams.
I don't know. I still feel like I have a lot left to prove. My AAAC A1 has sounded quite a loud 'fuck you', but the C, unfortunately, undermined its potential impact quite significantly. And despite everything, I still feel like I'm a fraud, like I only stood out because it was Jurong Junior, like I'm going to drown the minute I'm tossed onto a raft big enough for only the smartest people you can possibly find.
I'm not in a very good mood right now, no thanks to the shitty essay questions. Like always, I don't have any idea as to what the hell I'm doing, why I'm even applying to Law, the works, and I wish I could just die.
Hell, this entry is a failure. I want to go shopping.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010