a very long entry that meanders all over the place.
written: 5:07 p.m. on Tuesday, Jul. 05, 2005

Okay, so my dad asked me to translate some Straits Times article about some Chinese electronics company's rise to the top. That was about a week ago and I hadn't done anything about it, and I was feeling guilty about snapping at him when he asked me where I went yesterday so I finally got off my lazy ass last night and attempted the translation.

And I hereby announce that I'm on the verge of giving up. My Chinese is so damn lousy that the sentences don't flow at all, let alone make any iota of sense, and the only Chinese phrases I seem to know are "na yi ge" and "zai 1985 nian" blah blah blah shit crap nonsense that suck. I mean, really, doing Chinese to English already poses some significant problems; English to Chinese? It's as good as asking me to strip naked in the middle of Orchard and run down the streets. To make matters worse, it's a stupid article on manufacturing. I couldn't even think of how to say 'manufacturing' in Chinese without flipping through my lousy English-Chinese dictionary that DOES NOT HAVE THE WORD 'ACQUISITION', as in in the economic sense.

Dammit. This is, like, exploitation of child labour, dude! I'm working for free, hello? And it's for my uncle too. I'm only doing it because I don't want my dad to lose face and shit like that since my uncle was the one that asked him to ask me to do it which is damn stupid cos my Chinese is such an abysmal piece of shit that I'm tempted to migrate to Communist China and face serious restrictions on free speech that are even more deeply-encroaching than the ones here so that I can improve my lousy Chinese because it is excruciatingly shameful! Yes, it is, and I hate it.

I only did about an eigth of the entire article last night. The funny thing was, I don't know how "Haier" is written in Chinese so I just used the character for "sea" and the character for...well, I don't know what that word means but basically I assigned the characters pretty much at random and I bet I got it wrong.

I think completing the stupid pseudo-translation would cause greater embarrassment to my dad when he distributes it and everyone gets to read how bad my Chinese is. Fuck it.

Whatever it is though, I know he'd be more disappointed if I don't finish it so I'll make myself do it no matter what.

So yeah, that's last night. Early this morning. Like 12 midnight early this morning. I can't sleep before 3 a.m. I'm not quite sure why. And I can't wake up before 1 p.m. either which is bad, I suppose, but it feels so good to sleep so what the hell.

Anyway, I had a good time yesterday with Mel, Clarence and TUBBY! Oh my god, we met up with TUBBY! He's probably reading this and feeling appalled by the ghastly nickname we secretly gave him that isn't a secret anymore which makes it even funnier!

It's been so long since I last saw him and sat in his awesome Literature lessons. It was at the Esplanade and all, and it was his first time there - a bit of info that had Mel and I laughing our asses off, and Clarence in a state of mild shock when I told him afterwards.

But you see, it's Tubby's good, witty and hilarious self-deprecating humour about his geekiness (yeah right), his uncoolness (brains maketh a person cool, hello?) and his unhipness (okay, that one's probably true HAHA!) that makes him so awesome to talk to. It was great. We were at some restaurant at the Esplanade Mall with the lousiest service I've ever encountered called California Bistro (avoid it if you value your sanity) and I can't stress enough how fantastic it is to just sit around and rap and laugh and have fun like that, without exploding fireworks and extraneous mind-numbing group activities.

Did that make sense? I hope so.

So after that Mel met up with a friend of hers to celebrate the friend's birthday. Clarence didn't want to go home so I caught War of the Worlds with him at Suntec. First time watching a movie there and I was amazed that they even bothered to build a cinema there at all. It was so out of the way that I genuinely understood why I never bothered catching a movie there, not even once.

So the movie was okay. I mean, it's Steven Spielberg. He's the bombastic, large-scale, huge special effects kinda movie guy. I'm more into Shyamalan and Wong Kar Wai (by the way, I just saw Chungking Express on DVD today and I am so in love with Wong Kar Wai and everyone involved in the film) and pretty films with a restrained hand holding on to the camera with scenes that flirt with and tease the audience. I liked Signs a lot better than War of the Worlds because the element of surprise was in the former, while in the latter, everything was just so in-your-face that halfway through the movie, you're not as excited about it as you were initially. Signs had a stupid ending but the whole set-up, the development, the build-up of tension was more delectable and satisfying than anything that happened in War of the Worlds.

Like I said to my cousins, I'd rather read the book. But then again, I'm not really into H. G. Wells and Time Machine-esque literature so perhaps not after all.

Of course, it wasn't a bad movie, but it wasn't anything I'd remember for life either. A week later and the only thing left of the movie in my mind would be vague traces of it that don't add up to a complete picture. I mean, think Mulholland Dr., In the Mood for Love and you'd probably get why I just wasn't that blown away or interested in the movie in the first place.

Still, I had a good time with Clarence and that counts for a lot in my book so it's all good. That guy is funny. He drives like a speed demon. My mom thought she drove fast but uh-uh, Clarence wins her in that department, hands-down. He drove Mel and I to the Esplanade (I just love getting chauffered around; I'm too damn spoilt for fucking public fucking transfuckingport where you have to fucking squeeze with disgusting dirty fucking people) and three seconds after getting into his car, I started wishing that I'd opted for the bus instead.

Okay, so I'm a big weenie but the truth is, I just wasn't used to it, all right? I like speed though, as impossible as it is to imagine. It's a cheap thrill thing. I can't do roller coasters but I want people to drive fast since I can't do it myself, not yet anyway. But just don't expect me not to whine in fear about it because my adaptability is pretty low.

This talk about fast cars is making me think of Initial D and Edison Chen and how hot he is and how much I love Jielun and the ironic fact that the two of them publicly announced that they're not into fast cars while Shawn Yue's the one who likes racing. Ah, life. What a wonderful Paradox, End Sarcasm.

God I so need driving lessons! I think I'll pop down to Bukit Batok Driving Centre with Mel one of these days and check out the private lessons over there. I don't want to pay three thousand bucks just to learn how to drive. Fucktards who think students are rich. Or that condo-dwellers are rich. Or that Upper Bukit Timah kids are rich. I USED TO LIVE IN LORONG 3 GEYLANG. My dad had some contact with the dude who murdered that China woman and stuffed her cut-up body in a box and dumped it in the Kallang River. He lived one storey down from us; we lived on the tenth storey. My old address: Blk 114, Lor. 3 Geylang, #10-51, Singapore 731114.

I'm a bit hazy about the postal code (I have a problem with numbers. I tend to flip adjacent numbers so that Bus 61 sometimes becomes Bus 16) but it should be correct. Why do I remember my old address? Well, you see, you don't forget things. Language and memories and old phone numbers and addresses. As long as you're below the age of 40, you don't forget them; they're stored somewhere in your brains and all you have to do is to think for a bit and presto!, you've recalled what is incorrectly labelled 'lost' information.

Or maybe it's just me and how amazing my memorising skills are. How else did I get an A for History, right?

Man, I've seriously digressed quite a bit. I guess old habits die hard.

Ben, I need to meet up with you.

Also, I need a guy to play with. I'm so bored.

I don't like to be tied down but I think we're all born into the world with our hands bound tightly to our parents'. My folks had a fight a couple of days back and they're still not talking to each other, the last I checked (yesterday evening). I'm not sure what it was about but the gist is, my dad told my mom to find another man. I'm not comprehending and I doubt that he's serious and my mom is definitely not the type to stray (I can learn something from that); chances are, it was about money again.

Don't you just hate it? Money is a fucking bitch which is why I have to fuck it up myself by making lots of it. Money figures heavily into their arguments, so maybe they'd stop lunging for each others' throats all the time if I'm able to solve their monetary woes.

I don't like to be tied down. When a relationship gets too serious my first instinct is to bolt and run as quickly as I can in the opposite direction. When a relationship drags on for too long and becomes stale my solution is to get out of it, and get out of it now. I get bored of a job after three days of work. I like to have freedom to maneuver, to move around; to have the option of having choices and not to be stuck in the same place all the time, doing the same things, being with the same people.

But the two people on whom I could never turn my back are the people I call Mom and Dad. I don't understand people who put their ageing parents in nursing home; siblings who fight over their parents' assets while they're still alive; and people who bring their parents to court over monetary issues.

I don't like being tied down.

But, simultaneously, I could never cut off the ties I share with them. They mean too much to me to exchange for something as cheap as freedom.

Anyway, I'm an independent sort of gal so I don't need a man. Whatever a man can supposedly provide for me, don't bother. I can do it myself.

Thank you and good evening.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010