good day.
written: 5:26 p.m. on Friday, Jul. 15, 2005

The one-day job was quite a blast. Despite having a horrible night (an SMS I received at 3 a.m. jolted me awake) and waking up at 6.50 a.m. for me to ride with my bro to the MRT station and feeling all pissed off because the train was so crowded that I could hardly breathe, the giving out free coffee thing was fun, albeit tiring and hot and sticky (I had to wear a black Nescafe polo shirt that looked pretty nice on me, if I say so myself).

For one, situations like today's make you feel better about humanity. Apart from the few odd fuckholes who looked at me funny when I plastered a nice smile on my face, handed out the coffee sachets and a discount coupon and some spa shit to them, and said cheerily (and I am NEVER cheery), "Free coffee! Mian fei de ka fei!", people were generally grateful and many even said 'thank you'. To be honest, I was really surprised. I guess annoying Singaporeans aren't as annoying as I thought they were after all.

Some were helpful too. This old uncle dude spilled some hot, brewed coffee on himself after trying to grab the sachets from Angela. I tried to help him by putting the sachets into this plastic bag thingy that he was carrying, and in the process I got some sticky liquid onto my fingers too. To my absolute surprise this woman came up to us, gave the old uncle dude a tissue and then asked me if I wanted one. That was just incredible.

There was this other old dude next to us selling NTUC union memberships and before long, he was attracting passer-bys to our little box too. He also gave us the idea of heaving the box onto an NTUC push cart so that we didn't have to bend down and take out the stuff and hand them out all the time (it got tiring after like five seconds) and now I'm thinking, why didn't I think of that earlier? Damn stupid man.

Okay I wrote about it in my diary on my way home and I can't write about the same thing twice, so suffice to say that it was fun, and that today's revelations about humanity and people and how they're not always as fucked up as I think they are is a welcomed change to my perpetually cynical state of mind. Optimism may be based upon sheer terror (thanks Mr. Wilde), but to see things in a positive light makes it much easier to exist on this planet.

And hey, it's a universal fact that people love getting free stuff. You give them free stuff and they smile and look happy and grateful and for a few seconds, they like you, and for a few seconds, you're responsible for putting that momentary but precious smile on their faces. I hate to be all sentimental and soppy, but honestly, it's a freaking cool feeling.

**

Something is still bugging the shit out of me. I have to stop obsessing incessantly over this. It's insane. The endless speculations are really, really draining.

Hard to tell when guys are just being really nice to you 'cause you're a cool friend or 'cause it's maybe something more sometimes.

**

Clarence asked me to go rock-climbing today.

Haha! People who know me well know that I'd never live to survive something like that. I am clumsy, unathletic and have deteriorating knee cartilages to boot (which I used as an excuse to get out of PE but the primary reason was that I was too lazy to attend, period). Angela put it very succinctly when she said, "Rock climbing? But you don't even run."

Okay, whatever. That may be true, but still. The idea wasn't all that revolting, surprisingly.

Somehow, I'm at a vague point in my life where I'm not as adverse to the idea of trying out new shit as I was before. Maybe it's because I'm so damn fat that it makes me sick but all the same, I'm getting pretty bored of my own company, where it's the same old, same old. And shopping is, like, so not a legitimate sport - not even close.

God I feel like playing basketball right now. The weather's bloody perfect. It just rained and so it's so cooling outside. I hate playing in the sun or when it's hot.

Why did they have to tear down the bloody community centre? Bloody idiots.

**

Yay I'm going to BayBeats on Sunday with Tingren! Gonna check out her cousin's band that my cousin likes as well. I wanna hear the rock and loud one though which is on Saturday according to Tingren but no one's going with me. Bleah.

It feels weird to be out so many times this week. I'm almost used to the idea of not dining at home.

That is just...weird.

**

Anyway my mom bought me NYDC's mochamisu for my birthday. It's awesome awesome awesome. Love it so much that I wanna marry whoever came up with it. Even my dad, who doesn't fancy cheesecakes all that much, liked it.

Cool, eh? I think so too.

God I'm tired.

**

Edited to add:

I received a belated birthday greeting from the second ex this morning. How surprising.

Such actions from those whom I've hurt only make me realise how immature, childish and utterly despicable I can be as a human being sometimes.

I think I'm instinctively vindictive. Whenever something goes wrong my first reaction is to push the blame away from myself so that I can make the other person feel like shit for supposedly trampling all over me. And sometimes, it doesn't make sense, because I don't always have all the facts. I jump too quickly to conclusions and they're always so negative and my reactions to those presumed conclusions are so hateful that I feel ashamed.

I should start trying to be a better person.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010