poem: the question and the reply
written: 8:06 p.m. on Saturday, Jul. 30, 2005

It�s always so easy to point the finger
At someone else other than yourself.
And so when you�re locked in a virtual cage
Head hanging halfway between invisible metal bars
Wide open spaces obstructed by cold barbed wires
That are seen only when felt

You forget why it all began.
I�m saying, you�re justified for choking
On the love that permeates throughout this cell;
You�re excused for not comprehending
The reason why to every single question mark that greets your feet
Every time you try to run away;
And you�re not wrong for wanting to break free
Because you�ve been trapped in here for too long
And it�s honestly time for you to leave.

But you forget the reason to all of this.
The ultimate answer, a Holy Grail of sorts:
It�s his love that locks you in, his love that
Shocks you, sends electric currents piercing through you,
His love that molded this cage, way before you shed
Your diapers and pacifier and learnt how to walk
To read to speak to write to yearn to desire to love
Another man other than himself.

I�m thinking, he feels robbed, the cage still seems valid,
Because you never really grow up in his eyes. You�re a little girl,
You�re running down the slopes of Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall,
You�ve tripped, fallen, blood is trickling down your knees,
And he applies blue iodine solution so that it won�t hurt so much,
And maybe that�s all he sees when he looks at the vaguely visible scar on your knee:
An eternal, unalterable reminder of the little girl
He brought into this world, the little girl
You�ll always be
In his eyes.

And you don�t blame him, I know you don�t,
Because tears are welling up in your eyes, a catch so painful in your throat
It�s excruciating when you swallow. Resentment
Is only temporary; it�s what gives shape to
This so-called cage that he uses, clumsily,
To disguise his love. And you can�t hate him,
Can�t stop loving him,
Because he�s your father.

That�s the reason it all began.

30 July 2005, 12.55 a.m.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010