laaaaaaaa.
written: 10:39 p.m. on Friday, Aug. 12, 2005

Hmm, that was pretty long, considering the post was about five chunky paragraphs long.

ARGHHHH MY GENIUS CREATION LOST IN CYBERSPACE. I HATE TECHNOLOGY.

Forget it forget it forget it.

On to the entry.

Okay a thought sprang into my mind after I wrote the above four words but I'm not going to write it down.

Anyway, today was great, despite having school.

Why am I so negative towards school? I should be helping myself out and not continually stabbing myself in both feet, both hands and the heart.

Okay, let me revise that: SKOOL~ WUZ SO FUNZ~1!!!~!!~!!!!111~~~!

Muuuch better. At least, that contains some semblance to positivity. I so need that right now, especially if we factor in the fact that I have not got started on my case brief, which is due tomorrow, 11.59 p.m., and I was supposed to start tonight. I haven't even read the stupid case! To rub salt into wounds, there are people who have submitted theirs already.

I AM SO DEAD. I AM GOING TO FLUNK OUT OF LAW SCHOOL. HELP.

There's so much work and readings and I'm so tired I just don't feel like doing anything. My brains haven't properly woken up from the 8-month long slumber that was the post-A Levels holidays either.

Yelen needs to snap out of it. Okay, I'm going to finish this, take my shower, then read the case and get started on work.

Ugh, work on Friday night. Assignment on first week of school.

Yelen needs to stop bitching.

Okay, ANYWAY. Had the first Singapore Legal System lecture with Prof Beckman and I think I like his style of lecture-conduction.

My English sucks. What I meant was, I like his style of conducting lectures. He doesn't go by the books/notes/readings and instead engages the class in a discussion, which is really cool. I'm still sleep-walking through everything though, so it was a bit intimidating, especially the way he fired the first question. He pointed to some random girl sitting in the first row and went, "What is a legal system?"

If that girl were me I would've gone, "I don't know." Even after reading the nine pages from the book and reading the 19 pages from the handout, I still couldn't formulate a real answer in my mind, and in fact, right now, I still can't. It's hard to, when the passion isn't really there.

Oh well, I'll keep on truckin'.

There was some class committee election thing after the lecture but I didn't give the slightest damn and raised my hand for whomever Rui raised for. Whatever, I can't be bothered. I'm Singaporean. It's in our culture to be politically-apathetic. Doesn't that kind of explain how defamation works in Singapore though? I mean, political figures can sue and win and not worry about incurring a public backlash precisely because the public doesn't give a shit who's in-charge as long as they maintain a certain quantitative standard of living. Defamation lawsuits are quite heavily embedded in our legal culture, in my humble opinion, and this has a lot to do with our lack of political activism, hasn't it? Does this make any sense? I wanted to volunteer this during the lecture but...I was too scared to.

I wanna be like Mel! She's gonna score a hundred percent for class participation. I'll probably just wither away and die in SLS lectures. Fuck my dumbness.

Moving on. Clarence ended his extra class early so when I checked my phone at around 1 p.m. he was already at Boon Lay. It was great news to me, 'cause I couldn't find anyone to hang with and I was beginning to feel seriously out of place at NUS. It's bringing out the worst kind of insecurities in me and I hate it. Thank goodness for the Central Library foyer-like thing then. I keep running into people there on non-Friday days and it makes me feel less alone.

Yes, I'm lonely in law school, oh woe is me, tragedy is my middle name, who the hell remotely cares anyway. I'll try getting through four years without a social life. Would be fun to attempt.

Anyway, Angela called me at like, 1.25 p.m. and effectively went, "Yelen! My friend pang-sehed me for lunch! Are you free?"

Since I was waiting for Clarence to show up, I said, yes okay. Met her at the steps from the Arts canteen leading to the C J Koh library (with which I'm totally in love), and three seconds later, Clarence called, announcing his arrival. I felt bad for dumping Angela. On our way to the Central Library foyer-like thing (Rui said it's so Sunken Forum-ish and I so agree, except that SN's Sunken Forum is smaller but looks a lot nicer) she was bitching to a friend whom she called on her cell about her predicament, and I would've hung with her if Clarence weren't part of my itinery for the day. (I'm making him sound like some tourist attraction. Haha whatever.)

But the strange thing was, when I spotted Clarence he was talking to this girl and Angela knew that girl. That girl, in fact, found me familiar, and after some small talk I found out that she was from JJC Arts and was in the year above mine. How interesting. Clarence relief-taught her in Jurong Junior and all; what a queer Jurong Junior gathering.

I'm always surprised by how small our social circles seem to be. It's not about how small the world is, but how small your world is. And the more surprising thing? Running into JJC people in NUS makes me feel less uncomfortable there, like I'm not completely out of place. How ironic for someone who hated the institution and about 90% of the people there.

Oh but Clarence ran into so many people he knew, it just got weird after a while. Okay, not weird as in weird but...just um, odd? He's a popular dude, what can I say. We had lunch at the Arts canteen; by then I was so hungry that I'd lost half of my apetite. It happens, you know. The hungrier you get, the less you feel like eating; and that was my precise situation. I had nice cold pasta and potato salad and it was REALLY nice (Mel it was the thing that Reilly was eating that day, fucking awesome!) but I couldn't finish the potato. Wasting food is bad. Repeat like a mantra again and again and maybe I'll pay it attention.

Clarence didn't like his food. Hence, the trend of us not having satisfactory meals together persists.

I'm not going to go into minute details of what unfolded today, mainly because it's 11.12 p.m., I'm falling asleep and I STILL HAVE NOT GOT STARTED ON THE STUPID CASE BRIEF, not to mention I STILL HAVE NOT SHOWERED; so, suffice to say...

I had really great time with Clarence. You probably think it goes without saying, but it needs to be said. It's different when you're with a guy who's intellectually on-par with you: conversations become more meaningful and Singlish gets reduced (and man, do I crave for that all the time), and you smile when he gets the difference between "this sucks and it's cheap" and "this is cheap and it sucks", crazy nuances of the English language that thrill you, and it's nice to be able to share that with someone else. Conversation flows easy when you're comfortable with someone; you whine your ass off about how you don't fit into the social environment of your faculty and he smiles and says something encouraging, and it's just nice. And when you're comfortable with someone, sometimes you don't even need conversation, just the presence of that person next to you.

It's like that with him and it's awesome.

We took 151 out of NUS; had a short discourse on what makes a friend but I interrupted it with something really stupid. Haha, what a waste. And wow, I discovered that I can actually string together a proper sentence in English orally without resorting to 1) Singlish; 2) umms and yeahs; and 3) cheap substitutes for "cheem" words just because my brains can't make it. Does that make sense? Does it matter if it doesn't make sense? It makes sense to me.

King Albert Park and I bought food for my pesky bro who sits on his ass all day long and expects food to drop from the sky onto his lap. Turned out, though, that he played basketball in the afternoon and reached home like ten minutes before me anyway so it wasn't necessary. How annoying.

At the bus stop. Clarence asked, "Which bus goes to your house?" I actually pondered over that for a minute before I realised, "Aren't we going to your house first?" Like I said, blur-ness is infectious and I've yet to find the proper, real English word for 'blur'. Fuck Singlish to death. Anyone who seriously thinks that one can learn proper English in this place is SERIOUSLY deluded.

We picked up the "Lost" tapes from his house, bus-ed to mine, he fell asleep watching the Charlie episode. Oh, but before that, he played with my nailpolish and helped me throw away some really old ones. It's about time I discard my junk.

My mom asked him about his hair before he left. Haha. It's fascinating though, his hair, the way it stands without any form of human intervention. I had this stupid dream in which he cut off his tail and he responded to it with utmost horror. I can't imagine him without the tail. I mean he's caudated and everything, hello??

I dream about really dumb-shit things.

I waited with him for the bus. I am so nice that I make myself sick. Hence I write sentences like the preceding one to undercut my blatant blowing of my own trumpet (or however that idiom-thing goes).

I wonder when I'd see him next. School really sucks. He should come to NUS more often and brighten up my day. Like hell I spend 3 days out of 5 staying in there until 5 p.m. anyway, what a pain in the ass. Hopefully my Thursday Legal Writing tutorial manages to get changed to 11.30 successfully. I don't mind starving through tutorial if it means I get to go home before 5. Hate taking the bus at that kind of crappy hour. And tutorial always drags; yesterday it ended at 5.30, almost. But it's fun and my tutor rocks so I'm not complaining.

Oh fuck 11.36 I so need to take a shower. I think I'll drink coffee.

Clarence, you really should come to NUS more often. And I'm not saying it because you can see your resevoir of people you know more, or because you can rock-climb there. (Speaking of which, you probably gained a kilo because you haven't rock-climbed for two weeks!)

This entry is soooo long and I'm so screwed for the case summary.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010