slow and easy wednesday, plus some bad attempts at philosophising.
written: 5:20 p.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 17, 2005

The only thing I was wondering about is why the writer called it "feminist theory". She propounds caring and concern, the acknowledgement of the interconnectedness of human beings, a tort system based on a "conscious regard for another's safety", as opposed to one governed by self-interest and an often-dubious (in my opinion at least) standard of care expected of a "reasonable" person. She makes really good points that speak loudly to me, but a nagging voice at the back of my head kept questioning the legitimacy of the term "feminist theory".

Is it "feministic" to intuitively care about the well-being of another human being, even if he's a total stranger to you...or is it basic, instinctive humanity? I think what I'm saying now might undermine all my claims to eternal Cynicism-hood, but then again, I don't see why anyone would call me idealistic. What is so idealistic about the belief in the essential goodness of human beings, in fundamental humanity, in helping a drowning stranger instead of simply standing by and letting him die? That should be the elementary instinct that governs all of us, not a feministic ideal, or even an ideal.

Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case at all. And I think the law should enforce a duty to rescue and hold by-standers liable for not rescuing. Think about it: a man is drowning, some dude walks by, sees the man struggling, and does absolutely nothing; he walks away and the man drowns.

How is that remotely different from the dude pushing the man into the water? The end result is the same in either situation: the man dies. Just because the person who walks by didn't push him doesn't quite mean that he's not culpable for his death, because he is, purely on the basis that he could've done something to prevent it, but didn't.

I'm all for personal liberty and freedom of choice; but when things like that cause us to become selfish, indifferent, detached from our sense of humanity, they end up causing more detriments than good. I mean, seriously, we're condoned by the law to be immoral assholes?! It doesn't really make any sense when you subtract the whole practicality argument behind it.

Wait, this is coming from someone who doesn't believe in absolute values.

Um, I'm a hypocrite.

Then again, is it a value or is it purely an instinct?

Oh well, shall think about this another day.

**

Also thought about how justice and fairness aren't always the same thing.

Justice is done to society when a drug trafficker is sent to death.

But is it fair to send a drug trafficker to death if he went into the trade out of desperation, prompted by his extremely povertised living conditions? How is it fair to punish someone for being poor?

Is justice simply doing what the law says you ought to do?

And then there's that extremely fine line between justice and revenge.

For the record, I vehemently believe that the death penalty is state-sanctioned revenge. Other arguments supporting it - deterrence (if it's so effective a deterrent why do people still commit crimes?), utility (I refuse to lower myself to the standards of people who place no value in the life of a human being, even if that human being is a murderer/rapist/whatever), something else that I can't think of at the moment - don't agree with my sense of right and wrong.

Okay, I'm making myself sound like some godly saint when I'm anything but. I'd rather stay at home and do nothing than to volunteer at homeless shelters or places along those lines, so...

Same conclusion reached: I'm a hypocrite.

(Then again, I feel like joining the NUS Pro-Bono society, or whatever it's called, this society that my OGL was telling us about during matriculation week, where you go to Boys' Homes and whatever else and attempt to reach out to the kids. Yeah.)

**

Was reading some weird case in the Contract casebook last night and I didn't understand an ounce of what it was about. Great Britain Pharmaceutical Society or whatever versus some pharmacy. I don't wanna go into details; it'd probably confuse everyone else and I don't know the exact details anyway.

But my point is, I went into the Contract lecture today, the Dean explained it and it was a total Eureka moment, like, oh so THAT is what the whole dispute was over! Damn confusing stuff but he explained it really well, and I understood despite my extreme sleepiness.

I think the Dean rocks. He's an exemplary Singaporean in the sense that he speaks proper English but with a distinctively Singaporean accent (okay, Chinese Singaporean accent). It shows you that you don't have to "slang" to speak good English. He even speaks better than Lee Hsien Loong, no shit.

I like all the lecturers, even Beckman. People look at me in shock when I say that I like Beckman, but really, he may speak in a monotonous way but the things he says are really worth listening to. I thought that SLS was gonna be boring as hell (and indeed the fucking textbook puts me straight to sleep) but on the contrary, I've liked the lectures on it so far.

The only downside is the preparatory work that I have to do. It's so much and I sit right in front so if he calls on me and I didn't prepare...well, like I said before, I'd just die of embarrassment when I go, "Um, I don't know" like a total bimbo.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

**

I got my hair trimmed at Chapter 2 today! Now my hair's smelling sooo nice and sweet.

The stylist talked at length to me, kept me from falling asleep which is probably what would've happened if he weren't talking to me. He's the same dude that did my hair the last time, the dude with the ridiculously long, straight, silky hair that looks damn nice.

He spoke in Chinese. I had to reply in Chinese. It was a very interesting experience. And I found out that my Chinese isn't as atrocious as I constantly claim. I mean, it sucks and all and I have to resort to using English words from time to time (seriously who the hell knows what "soundtrack" is in Chinese?) but for the most part, I think my dad would've been proud.

Anyway, he asked me what faculty I'm in at NUS, and when I said Law, he went off about it for the next twenty minutes. It was so funny. He said that he has another customer who's a practicing (practising?) lawyer, except that he doesn't go to court and merely writes letters to sue people (I'm sure there's a technical term for it but I've only been in law school for less than two weeks, so it's not reasonably expected of me to actually remember the blasted thing), and that he's afraid of cutting the lawyer's hair in case it turns out ugly, in which case he'd get sued. Haha what the hell. He asked me if there're any cute guys at NUS; I said no. Then he was like, "If I go to NUS I'd be the first good-looking guy there wouldn't I?"

HAHAHAHAHA. I just said, "Um, okay!"

Halfway through cutting my hair he commented that I look like Anne Suzuki. You know, the Japanese actress who plays Jielun's love interest in Initial D? That came after a huge discourse on Jielun which pretty much revolved around how brilliant Jielun is (and he is). Always good to find a fellow fan, ha ha hardy ha. And I proudly told him that I watched Initial D five times, but then again he watched the Cantonese version in Malaysia and nothing can top that.

I mean I'd so love to hear Edison's voice instead of some shitty dub actor's, you know? Yeah.

Oh, and I don't think I look like Anne Suzuki, so there you go.

He also said, Your face is too cute to be a convincing lawyer. Something about how I wouldn't come across as genuinely fierce when cross-examining.

Hahahaha he's so full of shit. Of course I refuted that by saying that I can be super fierce if I wanted to be, and somehow that led to a mini-discussion on my reaction to guys who try to pick me up. I said, "I can be super mean to irritating guys who do that if I'm in a bad mood," and he was like, "Isn't that bad? Aren't guys afraid to go after you?"

My response? Shrug shoulders and say, "I don't know." Oh well who remotely gives a flying fuck anyway.

He's super full of shit though, have I mentioned that? (Yes I have.) He was like, "I'll seek your services if I get molested one day." Like WHAT??? "I can't help being good-looking you know."

Funniest haircut ever. Hands-down. Paying an additional dollar and fifty cents to be entertained wasn't that bad.

**

Didn't do much to my hair, just layered it and stuff. Yeah. I like the shampoo; smells soooo nice. The lady that washed it (the stylist was doing another person's hair and I was ten minutes early for the appointment) gave me a nice head massage but the way she blow-dried it scared me half to death. Was mildly afraid that my hair would catch fire.

I think blow-drying my hair every day (and I mean EVERY DAY) will damage my hair in the long run...oh well too damn bad.

**

I just saw a squirrel hopping around the tree outside my room.

I love my area.

**

I did something totally stupid today. I was supposed to hand in a hard copy of my case summary assignment on Monday but I didn't know that I had to print it out. So I printed it out when I got home that day, intending to hand it in on Tuesday. But I forgot to bring it out of the house on Tuesday, so on Tuesday night I left it in the dining room table so that I wouldn't forget it this morning.

And indeed I didn't forget. I left the house with my assignment, put it in the backseat when I got into my mom's car...

...and promptly forgot to take it out when I reached NUS and got out of my mom's car.

I still can't believe how forgetful I am. Fancy leaving my stupid homework in the car! What a genius.

And I only realised it after the Contract lecture ended.

What a bloody genius.

Anyway, because of that my mom had lunch with me at NYDC after my haircut. I MRT-ed back to Clementi where my mom picked me up, drove to NUS where I stuffed my assignment in my tutor's mailbox, and drove down to NDYC Holland V.

Awesomeness that is great food. Love the parmesan mushroom. The tiramisu mudpie wasn't that great though. Maybe it's because of my recently-acquired aversion to ice-cream. How weird.

I love my mom.

**

I sampled this perfume at Seiyu Bugis Junction today and I fell totally in love with it.

Summer (I think? Didn't really understand what the saleswoman was saying) by Givenchy. The one for which Liv Tyler advertises.

Fuck I want it. The pouch that comes along with the package is gorgeous too.

Can I trade my stupid Neumann book on Legal Writing for it? I'd top up the remaining four dollars.

Where am I supposed to unearth $79 for that brilliant perfume?

Sigh I hate my life. My mom thinks it stinks though.

She's so weird!

**

I realised that I haven't talked to Clarence in about three days.

Okay I don't know what to say anymore. After typing the above sentence I thought hard of what to write in continuation for about ten freaking minutes but nothing came to mind.

Um, I hate how busy my life is?

I detest how much work I have to do?

I hate that school constitutes a significant amount of the entire picture?

Or maybe I just hate the feeling of missing him.

Hmm yeah that's it.

**

Also realised something else. I'm pretty out of the loop. Friends come back to Singapore from Australia and I have to read another friend's blog to find out.

I'm not resentful, bitter, angry, any of those things; just sad. You'd like to think that you matter, that you're significant, but maybe you're not nearly as important as you think you are; maybe you don't mean as much to the other person as that person does to you; and that's all there is to it, isn't there? The long, drawn-out beginning of the end.

Thank goodness for Peixuan who called me on my cell this afternoon asking if I wanted to do lunch (but I was cutting my hair then), after SMSing me, telling me that she was at the Law library, did I want to do lunch?

Thank goodness for Mel too, and Khai, without whom life would suck major fucking ass.

Right, I'm off.

Edited to add:

After dinner and some thinking.

I feel very sad right now.

And when I don't even attempt to dress it up in pretentious, superfluous language, it's pretty clear that I mean it.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010