poem: love in mathematics
written: 9:47 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 15, 2005

I will write us a different ending
if I had the capacity to
string my heart along a thread
let it dangle freely in the wind
for as long as it takes for you to come around.

it's too late to wish for things whose death
are already etched
in stone
no use trying to change you with words
set fire to the moon
an unnatural coercion of feelings that don�t exist.
I don't need lies, or half-truths
but your truth severed the thread
which my heart precariously hung on.

I lost myself somewhere along the miles in your eyes.
the further you ambled away
the more numbers and figures we added to the spaces between us
when we counted
70 days
14 weeks
2 months
2 weeks ago marked the beginning of an end
1 hour more to the end of a beginning.
The wistful Venn diagrams of our lives
vague peripheral near-intersections, a nonchalant touch,
a light brush of your skin against mine.
That tingle must have been just me.

We're mutually exclusive.
Two lines eternally running parallel to each other
Any possible points of intersection equal an empty set
An emptiness in me

this gaping hole where you once were
which you were supposed to fill
until you decided it wasn't worth the risk of free falling into vacuum
if somehow you slipped and fell.

I will get off our path once my legs tire
when the nine suns overhead become too much for me to bear
and the tears stop coming because there is no more left to shed.
But
it's easier said than done to walk off a familiar path
away from its comfortable sights and sounds
and the knowledge that at the end of it
there will be you and the feeling of your hair grazing my face
instead of these tears that leave bloody trails as they callously escape.

and then i'd close my eyes and imagine what i want
alternate universes in which you never left

and when i wake and feel tear stains on my pillow
i'd somehow convince myself that you were never here.

14 September 2005

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010