this entry is stupid. don't read it.
written: 1:00 a.m. on Friday, Nov. 11, 2005

For want of more interesting things to write about, and because I don't have a life, I'm making a list of all the qualities and traits I expect and demand from a guy before I'd even entertain the thought of going to bed with him. (I'd say 'marry him' but I'm anti-marriage.)

1. He must be able to speak and write good English.

By 'good', I don't mean the standard of a reasonable Singaporean; by 'good', I mean really good, mind-blowing good, potential-to-be-critically-acclaimed-writer good. Bad English pisses me off, monolinguists in Singlish can only be friends with me at best, and your spoken English must match your claims to a good command of the language. What does that mean? A guy who speaks like, "Then I ask you ah, do you know where this place is ah?" even if he got an A2 for GP is a definite no-no. I'm totally anal about this because past experiences tell me that I have to be or else I'd lose interest after about two weeks.

This, obviously, includes a love for Literature.

2. He must be able to SMS properly.

"Hey, are we meeting today?" instead of "hey r we mtg 2dae?" This pretty much speaks for itself.

3. He must be attractive.

This kind of goes without saying, because it's like, duh, how can I possibly fathom the mere notion of sleeping with someone to whom I'm not attracted? My taste in guys is rather varied, in the sense that the guys I find good-looking don't always have things in common. Just a few examples: Jay Chou (only from the side, in certain pictures), Edison Chen (totally hot), Jason Dohring, Joaquin Phoenix, James Dean, Johnny Depp, River Phoenix, VJ Xing Han from MTV Mandarin, that actor who plays Boone on Lost, the actor who plays Sawyer on Lost, the actor that plays Logan Huntzberger on Gilmore Girls (Matt C-something; I can't spell it), Dean on Gilmore Girls, Jess on Gilmore Girls, David Anders (Sark on Alias and he's totally hot too), Spike from Buffy, random Japanese boys with dorky-looking hair and nice big eyes, Ethan Hawke, Tony Blair's son, etc etc etc, I could go on forever but I don't have forever so I'll stop here.

Pierced ears are hot. Pierced eyebrows could be hot too. A random tattoo on the bicep is hot as well. The intellectual look is intriguing. His natural hair colour is also probably the hottest hair colour he can ever have.

What is not hot: Rappers-wannabe, waist-high jeans, centre-parting hair (unless it's well-kept), bleached hair (I really hate this one), overcrowding tattooes, ah bengs.

4. He must be anti-death penalty.

I'm sorry - even though I'm really not - but there's no way in hell I'd go out with someone whose beliefs are complete opposites of mine. People who are pro-death penalty are either cold, calculating practical money-spinners (in which case he won't appreciate poetry and literature) or your average ignorant Singaporean who sprouts the government's propaganda because they don't have a mind of their own. He has to believe and value an individual's right to life, and the burgeoning argument that the death penalty undermines that right to life.

5. He must have a command of Chinese that is at least as good as mine.

Judging by how shaky my command is, theoretically this shouldn't be too difficult; except, I'm really, really anal, and I have serious problems with the way most Singaporeans speak Mandarin. He must know the correct way of speaking it; this is more important than his ability to read and write Chinese. Why? Because I hate the local Mandarin accent as it is crass, crude and heinous to the ears, and I won't put up with someone who threatens to burst my eardrums when speaking in Mandarin.

(This requirement is irrelevant if the guy in question is not Chinese, which leads me to the next item on my list.)

6. He must be willing to learn Chinese if he's not Chinese.

If I like you enough to want to sleep with you, you have to make an effort to learn my language, just in case I change my mind about marriage. This is purely for communicating-with-Dad-and-pleasing-him purposes; otherwise, I don't really care.

7. He must be an atheist.

Religion is something I'd never compromise on. I have vowed to stop going out with Christians - lapsed or otherwise - and Catholics, because the theological difference is something you'd never quite conquer. Subscription to Buddhism as a philosophy should be quite attractive (shows depth of thought), but that's about it.

Having said that, he must be open-minded enough to carry out Chinese traditions if he's Chinese, meaning the whole burning incense thing, even if he doesn't believe in the religious aspect of it.

8. Basically, he must be a male version of me.

As I add item after item to the list I realise that I'm basically describing myself. If this isn't the epitome of narcissistic egotism (DOUBLE WHAMMY!), I truly don't know what is.

Anyway, if you think you fit the bill, drop me an email! yelen[dot]dean14[at]


I'm just kidding.

I think.


I'm going to watch Veronica Mars now, Episode 15 of Season 1, Ruskie Business, in which Logan cries in front of Veronica after confirming that his mother is really dead.

It's heart-breaking, it really is, that lost-little-boy look he puts on is enough to melt the coldest of hearts.

Well, it melts me anyway so whatever.

The newest Veronica Mars episode is taking TEN MILLION FREAKING YEARS to download and the suspense is murdering me.


Edit 11 November, 2005, 10.42 p.m.:

I thought of more items to put on the list and since I'm trying to avoid reading about the Application of English Law Act and the relevant parliamentary debate, what the hell.

9. He must not be from Mass Comm, NTU.

This hasn't as much to do with the fact that the last I did this it pretty much fucked up as the other fact (or maybe it's just my opinion, ha ha ha) that local journalists aren't exactly the most creative bunch, and neither do they seem interested in upholding the dignity of their (chosen?) profession.

In other words, you wanna whore for SPH? Don't even think of getting into my pants.

10. He must know what he wants.

This applies to what he wants in life (age can be a vitiating factor) and whether he wants me or not. Having no definite goal in life at 19 is understandable; in fact, a 19-year-old who has his whole life planned rather scary. But if you're 30 and still living off your parents you're just a loser, period, and losers aren't worth my time.

If you're uncertain about your feelings for me, just fuck off and never come back. Enough said.

11. Being vegetarian is a bonus.

If I find someone who has all the preceding qualities and is vegetarian, I'd abandon my anti-marriage stance and bed him post-marriage and have lots of vegetarian kids. So bloody fun, how pro-environment!

12. He must be intellectually on-par with me.

Meaning, have a mind of your own. Have opinions on a myriad of issues. He doesn't have to care about the same things as me, but he has to care about something apart from who's dating whom in his social circle, which band is coming out with a new album, etc. I'd totally find a guy who's into Iranian politics hot as hell.

13. He must not be normal.

I think this rules out the majority of the guys from top 5 junior colleges, ACJC, and SAP schools.

This means that there are no guys for me in Singapore and I should go to New York and find one. I suspect that my take on normal = Singaporean, so best of luck to me in finding someone suitable. More likely than not? I'm gonna die a virgin. Wahoo.

Anyway, that aside, being normal basically entails being like everyone else, not standing out from the crowd, doing what everyone else does, things like that. Having screwed up emotional intelligence is quite an intriguing thought, too; two emotionally-dysfunctional individuals coming together means lots and lots and lots of fun (melo?)drama that injects meaning into life! Wahoo!

14. He must not settle.

Settle for less, settle down, let the anti-establishment flame in him be snuffed out by old age. I told my Cambridge interviewer that I'm slightly anti-establishment (I only said 'slightly' because I didn't want to come across as a totally rebellious, school-cutting bum) and he said, We all become reactionary as we get older.

At this juncture I don't intend to have any reactionary tendencies. The same has to apply to him. Why? Because activism would be soooo romantic if you, like, do it with the person you, like, love!

15. He must have good taste in films and music.

By 'good' I mean nothing mainstream, except maybe Jay Chou (this isn't something I really care about though). He must not like The Island; he must not listen to "pop punk bands"; he must not make me dumb down by watching an even dumber Hollywood blockbuster; he must go to the Singapore International Film Festival with me; he must introduce me to non-mainstream rock bands who are actually rock and good at what they do; he must not ask, "Who's Chou-pin?" or "What's a Moonlight Sonata?"; and he must know who James Dean is.

16. He must not like popular fiction.

A guy who reads and likes The Da Vinci Code and Michael Crichton and John Grisham is one I will not waste my time on.

before sunrise // before sunset

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