this entry sucks and i love ghost world.
written: 2:46 a.m. on Monday, Dec. 19, 2005

I have started on the common application essay at long last. It's currently unfinished (I had a sudden - and I mean, SUDDEN - stroke of inspiration and lost it after I kept insisting on going over the word limit which really pissed me off) and in a state of shittiness but I still feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders anyway. I've been trying and trying and trying to write something over the past few days; I even decided not to meet Pearlyn and Yunnie and Limei and her boyfriend (whom I was dying to see) on Saturday just to work on the stupid essay.

I think the lesson to be learned here is, when you try too hard, things will just fuck up in your face.

Or something.

**

I typed another whiny portion here about how much I hate my current situation (i.e. school) but I decided I didn't want to post it. It's nothing no one has not read before anyway. Why repeat oneself ad nauseum? That is, like, so passe.

My grandfather is in town from Taiwan. I was feeling extremely shitty - which is putting it mildly - yesterday morning (Sunday December 18) due to reasons that didn't make it to this entry as mentioned above but when I saw him I felt mildly better.

I miss Taipei like crazy. I would rather go for an average Taipei guy than an average local male.

If the impossible happens, i.e. if I get married, and if the even more impossible happens, i.e. if I have kids, I'm shipping them off to America/UK and I will not let this country murder their ambition and dreams.

**

I watched Ghost World and it's the most amazing film I've watched the entire year.

I had real thoughts to go with that proclamation but they just seem superficial now.

In any case, I ordered a set of Ghost World buttons from eBay immediately after watching it.

It's the whole alienation thing, the not-knowing-what-the-hell-to-do-with-your-life thing, how the protagonist has real issues without being a victim of abuse/rape/parental suicide/etc, how I saw fragments of myself in her. She has everybody pegged except herself and such arrogance is so typically me, she destroys her relationships with the people she cares about out of impulsive selfishness, it's so damn hard to like her because of the hurtful things she says and her self-centered actions, at one point during the film I even hated her, but how can you hate someone who refuses to grow up and enter adulthood, the way you are refusing to face up to reality?

The answer is, you can't. She finally did something about it in the end though, by getting on that bus out of her claustrophobic town. It was courage that prompted it, and it was also frustration and the realisation that waiting for life to happen to her wasn't gonna cut it, that she had to make things happen for herself. It was interesting to read interpretations of the last scene as her killing herself but it wasn't suicide, it was the exact opposite, her boxing out of the scene and fighting to survive.

It's amazing. I downloaded it but now I'm going to buy the DVD.

Amazing. Have I mentioned that? Amazing.

I even found the sex scene between Enid and Seymour kind of sweet. Steve Buscemi (sp) is totally unattractive, but god was he note-perfect as Seymour or what! They were the two oddballs in an overbearing town of Boring and Identical that found each other and it was them against the world and I found that so pretty. They weren't supposed to sleep together and Enid screwed it up anyway and she only did it because she was drunk and depressed but still. That made me ache. Enid betraying Seymour made me ache. The way she ultimately screwed up his life (post-sex, broke up with first girlfriend in four years, and also lost lifelong job because of that racist painting which Enid borrowed from him to use in a school art exhibition) also made me ache.

I have a thing for oddball pairings. That is pretty disturbing. I mean, the dude is like, 40 and she's like, 18? Oh well.

**

Um. I have nothing else to say.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010