the end of torture.
written: 8:32 p.m. on Saturday, Mar. 25, 2006

From an objective standpoint, I probably sucked.

But who gives a damn, because from a subjective standpoint (i.e. mine), I did okay/pretty well. I only had one criteria to pass and that was my own. I decided that 1) I couldn't possibly give less of a fuck anymore about LAWR after the last thoroughly humiliating practice session; 2) I also couldn't possibly care any less about other people and how they do because it really has shit-all to do with me; and 3) did I mention that I really, really could not bring myself to care anymore?

Suffice to say it worked. I'm sure Initial D didn't come up with this concept but I'm still thinking of the last racing scene where Jay Chou's character is recalling something his dad said to him about competition, that "the only fight to win is the one within yourself". (Or more literally, the only person you have to win is yourself.)

And, well. That is quite apt if you want my honest opinion. And after this whole mooting thing, I totally concur. I knew that I couldn't reach the standard I'd like myself to attain, knew that 80% of my peers are better than me, and knew that I'd sink even deeper if I let it get to me.

And it was really a 'swim or sink' sort of situation. When you're thrown into the deep end of a pool you only have two options: struggle to survive or don't try at all and drown. Since drowning kind of sucks, I had to fight to survive no matter what.

But it was quite stupid when I said "I'm not familiar with the mechanics of taking maternity leave" when she asked me about whether or not an employee has to inform her employer that she's pregnant. It was stupid because the answer was in Section 80 of the bloody Employment Act which I was staring at for quite a substantial amount of time yesterday. But of course, it totally didn't register, what she was getting at, and she had to feed me the answer. She was like, Look at Section 80. Does it help your client?

I wanted to laugh but only kind of smiled (at my own dumbness) and said, "I agree Your Honour, this section does help my client." Ugh. How stupid was that? And I spaced out on a few occasions during my opposing counsel's speech and so I had no idea what the other tutor/judge was asking me when he referred to the opposing counsel's speech. HAHAHA. But of course, I got it after a while but strangely I don't remember what it was.

I don't remember much about the whole session, to be honest. I only remember bringing up one measley point in my surrebuttals and concluding quickly when the other judge/tutor asked if I had anything more to add, to which I said 'no' of course (would I be slapped with a lawsuit for malpractice in real life?); saying that "I believe the literal meaning is the purposive interpretation" to which the other tutor/judge said "interesting" and I went on to ramble some more about protecting pregnant employees blah blah; that I brought up the dictionary because I thought it was a cool argument but the other tutor/judge said I was "going off about the dictionary" blah blah so I suppose it wasn't cool after all; almost dying of agony and nervousness while waiting for my turn (also didn't help that I was the last speaker); and that the whole thing went by quite quickly.

I'm so glad Legal Analysis, Writing and Research is over for good. What timely removal of the thorn in my ass!

The only thing the tutors said about my presentation was that I was "very nervous" but that I "overcame my nervousness" (other tutor/judge) and that it was "inspiriting" to "see [me] grow as a speaker" (my tutor/judge). Other people got comments about content and the way they handled questions but I got comments about overcoming nervousness.

And the catch? I wasn't even as nervous/scared shitless today as I was during the practice sessions. I think the general absence of fellow classmates helped a lot.

So yeah it was okay. I surprised myself. I suppose surprises are good.

So after my session I stayed behind with Siming and Kelvin to watch Janice and Andrea, and after they were done we went to Carl's Jr. and had lunch. I bloody paid $8.40 for food that didn't warrant $8.40. The only things going for Carls' Jr. were that they serve your food to you, they have cool funky sauces, and drinks are free-flow. Apart from that, I may go back to eat their criss-whatever fries, but that's about it.

It was nice though, the lunch, because the company was good. We were sort of bitching about the other TG's tutor's obvious bias towards his students and how that bias wasn't displayed by our tutor towards us. I suppose generally that was true, but she was quite nice to me throughout this whole fiasco. When I ended today the first thing she said was that inspiring thing I mentioned above.

But that was the only thing she said. Oh well.

This entry sucks.

I'm damn annoyed right now though. My Veronica Mars download is stuck at 82.5% and it's going at 1 kb/s right now. What the fuck? I really want to watch it tonight dammit.

I can't wait for "The Rape of Graff". Why do I have a feeling that "graff" is for Troy Van de Graff, however you spell?

This entry really sucks.

I'm so glad LAWR is over. Wahoo!

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010