your worst adversary.
written: 10:18 p.m. on Sunday, Apr. 23, 2006

"The way you cut people out of your life - it's scary."

What I know as a fact:

"It's scary the way you cut people out of your life. No warning, no indication, no sign of anything amiss, nothing - just a million unanswered text messages, the text message that people expect and think you would send which you never intended to send, and polite-fake smiles and reassuring words that yes, you'd send that text message, when in truth you're secretly glad that these people can be cut out of your life simply by pressing 'delete'."

What I tell myself all the time:

"You should try to be a better person."

My reaction to that, every single time:

"Why should I care?"

Take this as a warning to misguided guys out there who think it a good idea to fall for me or whatever it is guys do. I don't know about you, but I think it's a lot worse to be ignored and be left in the dark wondering what it is you did wrong, than to be told straight in the face that you simply don't cut it. I've been guilty of doing the former way too often, and it doesn't look like I'm going to change anytime soon.

Yeah, well. People have said I'm cold. I'm a bundle of contradictions. I'm waiting to be broken down.

**

10.27 p.m. I passed up watching the rest of Constantine on the pretext of wanting to study, but I took a shower, got out at around 9.30 and read all of two pages of Hart's take on Devlin's reaction to the Wolfenden (spelling?) report from 9.30 to now.

I so bloody suck at this studying thing.

For the record, I have to say I didn't read Devlin and I don't intend to, so I suppose I can't properly say whether or not I agree with his view that "morality - even private sexual immorality - may, like treason, be something which jeopardises a society's existence" (Hart). But then again, when have I ever made substantial, informed arguments anyway? I live to shoot my mouth off because it's fun.

So. The quotation.

Wow. That is...amazing. To the gay guys out there, everytime you engage in homosexual acts you're committing treason!

But seriously now, the real issue is what exactly constitutes 'immorality'. I don't think anal sex and oral sex are immoral, and I'm sure that a lot of people are with me on this. If it's about give and take, the people who think that such acts are immoral shouldn't really whine too much about it because these acts are only legally permissible (in countries that are not uncivilised like Singapore, that is) when done behind closed doors. If it's about give and take, the fact that no one is saying you can engage in oral sex in a public park should be enough to pacify the people who are of the opinion that such acts are immoral. Because, really, if I don't think it's immoral, I really don't have a real problem with people doing it, like, outside my window or something. My moral senses aren't outraged and perhaps the only detrimental thing is that I'd be visually assaulted by such an act - not because it's immoral or wrong, but because it's simply not aesthetically-pleasing (besides, you should definitely pay for porn). So, bearing that in mind, the fact that I have already stepped back a considerable amount by saying that such acts can be deemed 'indecent' if done in public is my offer of compromise; the other side should then be gracious enough not to push for such acts done in private to be criminalised.

Of course, Singaporeans don't seem to get this.

Then again, the essential problem with our infamous s. 377 and s. 377A is that not enough people know what they are, and even if they do, chances are, they don't give a damn. I guess it doesn't quite matter, because realistically heterosexual couples who engage in oral sex don't quite need to fear being caught by the authorities, unless one of them ratted out the other when the relationship has gone stale, since it's done behind closed doors. But then again, I suppose (I'm always supposing and guessing) my beef with the existence of these provisions is that they are, quite plainly, retarded and have no place in a society that stakes claims to freedom. Mill wrote that a society which imposes sanctions on acts done in private that do not harm anyone else, which effectively curtails the freedom of the individual to do as he wishes, is a society that can not be said to be free.

And that, I fully agree with. The next time Singaporeans get the urge to use that adjective on their country, they really ought to think twice.

**

I'm kind of pissed off right now. Can you tell? God, I just hate SMSing people sometimes. I totally don't mind if they're people I like, like Mel Mag Rui and whoever else, but otherwise, it's annoying.

And the dumbest thing is, I'm really quite unjustified in saying that because...argh. Whatever. I have more important things to worry about.

**

Constantine looked unbearably stupid. I watched about 40 minutes and decided to save my intelligence from being bludgeoned by that...movie. The special effects looked super cheap and the Hell scene kind of made me laugh.

And, well, Keanu Reeves has as much acting chops as a block of wood, but maaaan. I'd be lying if I said he isn't sexy, because he is. Actually, he's hot. I think it's that Asian-looking thing he has going on. He looks Chinese (but he's not) and has nice pale/fair skin and nice black hair and nice brownish-black eyes and I adore guys like that. He looks really hot in Constantine and he actually didn't really suck too much during those 40 minutes.

Maybe it's just the overall cynicism of his character. I have a thing for overtly cynical guys, hence the declaration in my previous entry that James Harthouse is hot.

I'm really looking forward to May 4. Mel and I are donning our Jurong uniforms and storming the school and then storming Orchard after leaving trails of destruction in our wake as we leave the school. Haha, what the hell. Mel's grand idea and I love it.

Downside? The moment I attempt to wear that pleated khaki skirt would SO be the moment of truth: I am beyond fat now. It's so disgusting. But seriously, when I attempt to run or whatever my fucking knees hurt. Ugh. Why do I have rotting knee cartilages? Why? WHY? WHY!

I should stop wasting time.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010