stupidity.
written: 10:05 p.m. on Monday, Apr. 24, 2006

"Is the rule of law distinct from the rule by arbitrary power? How so, if at all? Does your answer depend on whether the legal system in question emphasises the concepts of formal or substantive justice and its treatment of unjust laws? Explain."

WHAT THE HELL IS 'RULE BY ARBITRARY POWER'?

That was a major disaster. In retrospect, it was so much worse than I'd thought. My second essay was a grand exercise in How To Unconsciously Contradict Yourself Throughout Your Bloody Exam Essay and Realise it Only Hours Later When You've Submitted Your Answer Scripts. I spent an hour and fifteen minutes on it and all I had to show for it was crap.

I feel sorry for TSH because she has to read my crap.

Worst exam ever.

Come post-Contract exam though, today's would probably become the best exam ever. (During my time in law school, that is.)

Self, it REALLY isn't going to help if you keep going into exam halls with only a bloody smidge of studying (if you can even honestly call it that) done. Why can't you take this seriously?

Can it really be? I think I'm even more disillusioned than ever.

**

I need a fucking alternate universe in which strangers say interesting things and do not honestly expect a reply to a lame 'hi' or 'u there?????????///question mark question mark??//'. In my alternate universe, henceforth known as a utopia, unwanted people would know when to quit bugging me or take my failure to respond to their attempts to 'chat' as a clear indication that they should just...disappear or something.

Absurdity rears its head when you catch yourself actually entertaining the idea of formulating a vague concept of what your first novel would address to a total, random stranger - online - who doesn't get that 'themes' extend beyond 'action, love'. The last time you told someone about what you'd write about in your first novel was in an email interview meant for admissions officers who are probably more interested in your ability to fork out twenty-thousand pounds a year for school fees than your ability to write.

Okay, so I'm being too cynical about the last point, but my general point remains valid. My life is ridiculous. It is not at all the way I'd envisioned it to be before I got here.

**

I ate three huge pieces of peach strudel today. Ah the butter! The fattening butter! But the oh-so-damn-yummy custard or whatever it's called!

You know, sometimes I really wish that my dad understood English so that I can show him some of the better things I've written (which aren't a lot actually) in order to get him to stop raining on my parade. I am what I am because of literature and writing; you take them both away and I'm just skin and bones and cellulite.

Anyway, apart from that, it can be empirically proven that the average Singaporean's idea of literature is William Shakespeare's bloody Romeo and Juliet. Hmm, is saying that you read it and liked it or whatever supposed to impress me? Right. Everyone (except me) has read Romeo and Juliet; it's certainly not one of Shakespeare's better plays. I can't even describe...the disdain...oh god.

I want to read and read and keep reading and die reading. I hope for the day when Literature triumphs and condemns philistines like Dan Brown to literary hell, along with all the numbskulls in the world who read him and think he's good.

Argh. I don't know what's wrong with me tonight. I'm so irritated by the exams that REFUSE TO END and stupid people online who REFUSE TO STOP PESTERING ME and dumbass comments that equate literature with bloody Romeo and Juliet and my dad whom I love dearly but doesn't bloody get it, still. Most of all, above all else, I'm irritated at myself for being an incorrigible screw-up. But because I'm delusional, I'd direct my rage at people in general and conclude this piece of shit entry thus:

PEOPLE ARE STUPID.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010