i am pissed off tonight.
written: 10:10 p.m. on Wednesday, May. 03, 2006

Instead of revelling in the fact that it's over, I'm now worried about failing and wondering what'd happen to me if I failed.

Wait...'if' I failed? I will fail, period.

Being me, I didn't read Chia Kok Whatever His Name Is v. Prosperland. NOT EVEN THE FREAKING CASE SUMMARY. And luck would absolutely have it that the fucking COMPULSORY essay question was based on something in the judgment that reffered to the broad ground and narrow ground and how the broad ground is more in line with 'principle'. What is this 'principle', they asked, and how are the alternative approaches justified?

I was like...WHAT. THE. FUCK.

So for the last 20 minutes I desperately tried to invoke my creative side and wrote about two pages' worth of pure, utter crap. I wrote one sentence for part b, which is 33% (how the fuck do they assign these stupid percentages anyway? What's wrong with a simple 60-40? Ugh), and basically I rephrased the question into an "answer" that didn't answer the question. I would've answered the question, except I have no idea what the hell the question was referring to.

So yeah, it was a disaster. I took 15 minutes just to read the fucking long hypotheticals. And my other 2 answers were crap as well.

Also, I bailed on Ruishan and people to come home and start downloading my Veronica Mars, but guess what? It's fucking 10.21 p.m. AND THERE IS NO TORRENT. I've never hated the NBA as much as I hate it right now. Fuck, thanks to the stupid New Jersey Nets (and Jason Kidd? You suck) who's currently trashing the Indiana Pacers of which Peja Stojakovic is a member, VM is pre-empted in New York and other major cities. WHICH MEANS the torrent goes up a day later than it should.

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT. Why can't those people get ESPN like everyone else? I hate the Nets. I mean, I've always hated Jason Kidd, but now I have an even better reason to hate him besides the whole 'he's a wife-beater' thing. Ugh. The Nets suck anyway, hello? And why aren't the Pacers winning? Dammit, why is Peja in Indiana? And where are the people on the West Coast? Stupid pirates. Why are they so lazy? There was no basketball in the West Coast and so there should be a torrent DAMMIT!

Is it not quite obvious that I'm really pissed off?

Whoever set that fucked up Prosperland question is sadistic and evil. Evil, I say. Cruel and sadistic and evil. God, I so hope to get a C-.

I watched 3 episodes of Season 3 of One Tree Hill and they bored me. I kept watching anyway 'cause I had nothing better to watch or to do. I cannot express properly how much I hate Lucas/Brooke.

You know, I think, if I fail Contract, I'll drop out of law and go to Warwick.

But therein lies the problem because I don't want it to be a backup plan; I want me to go because I really want to, not because I can't make it in law school. And hell, I know as well as anyone that I can do okay in law school, if I can find it in myself to give a damn about things like fucking Contract; but that's a major, major condition right there.

So, I've put off making this decision for as long as I can. Now that the exams are over I no longer have an excuse to sit on my offers and not act. Ugh.

I came out of the exam knowing that I'd really screwed up this time. 15 minutes into the paper and I knew that I'd single-handedly buried myself alive.

God, it's all so stupid. What is the damn point? I used to have real, solid answers but now everywhere I turn I'm faced with multiple choices and alternative solutions and for once, I just want something absolute. Having choices isn't all it's cracked out to be; in fact, sometimes it can be an even bigger curse than you'd think.

If I could do it over...

Ah, well. What's the point.

Well, I need driving lessons. When I get my licence I'd go for an aimless spin around the neighbourhood on nights like this. If I had convertible, I'd take down the top and drive as fast as I can and feel the wind on my face and lull myself into thinking that I'm really alive. A few short moments of exhilaration sounds more palatable than a constant, never-ending...blank.

Nope. Still not in a good mood.

I crack up whenever I see that Channel News Asia advertisement for the uh, elections. Singapore Goes to the Poll!, it announces.

Yeah, fucking, right.

"Singapore" goes to the poll? More like certain parts of Singapore go to the poll.

Whatever man. Elections in this country are pointless. (Everything in this country is pointless?) The incumbents are making a huge fuss over some opposition candidate's mistake of accidentally (?) putting his registration forms or whatever they were into his bag and whatever else. It's so stupid because it's just one bloody insignificant mistake and I really don't care why he did it and the stupid news dedicated a whole TEN MINUTES to this "issue" yesterday at 10. Can this country get any more ridiculous? It scares me that there are actually people in this country who are voting for the PAP simply because of the money they gave out recently.

How nice to know that Singaporeans' votes are worth only a few hundred dollars, given out sporadically, every time before an election.

PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID that it boggles my mind. And I also wonder why the opposition leaders can't sue the PAP for defamation making statements about the opposition not having qualified candidates, because the implication of such statements is that...well, the opposition is unqualified. Which is a crock of shit. Some of them are lawyers, others law lecturers, some doctors and engineers. Even if the person is an ITE graduate it doesn't say jack shit about his ability to deal with politics. The way defamation is exploited here is disgusting.

Can you also believe that some PAP candidates are using the examples of opposition-ran housing estates which have not been upgraded in a long, long time as reasons to vote for them (the PAP)? I mean, hello? Instead of being ashamed that you haven't done JACK to upgrade the flats or whatever you're actually saying that if I don't vote for you, my flats will look like shit? What the hell kind of crap is that? As a party that governs the country you have the responsibility of ensuring that EVERY SINGLE PERSON has equal access to things like upgrading of flats. You cannot shirk your responsibility to do these things simply because that housing estate chose an opposition leader.

Also, how ridiculous is it that 73-year-old men still have to fucking drive taxis just to earn money? I get that LKY is really cool for not wanting to retire even when he's, like, 80+, but some people actually want to rest during their old age before they die. And they certainly should not be compelled to work to make ends meet simply because the government is not giving them any retirement benefits.

And please do not get me started on welfare. It's fucking ridiculous that they keep harping on the failures of Britain's NHS as an excuse not to provide basic welfare for the elderly, some of whom desperately need a few hundred dollars a month from the government to get by. Yuch said it damn well when he said that they should focus on the things that have worked instead of stubbornly fixating on the things that haven't, because the more you do the latter, the more telling it is that you're just looking for stupid excuses.

Okay that's it. I'm done. What do I care, right?

**

Edited to add:

Just found out that the latest VM is only rerunning on SUNDAY AT 7 P.M.

What kind of network lets its affiliates do this kind of shit to its ONLY critically-acclaimed hour-long drama? And we're talking about the penultimate episode here, not some random filler episode that hardly moves the plot along.

Argh I hate basketball. I never thought I'd say that.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010